Let’s get started

19 Nov

Someone suggested I start a blog. I’m not sure how this will go, but here goes. This is just going to be my thoughts, feelings and things I find along the way.

Today I thought about starting a cookbook. Here’s the first recipe as I posted it on Facebook.

My favorite is “Whatchagot stew”. A package of meat from the freezer in the bottom of the pot. Yes, frozen. Who plans anymore? Add any and all veggies hanging out in the bottom of the chiller drawer, even the wilted ones. Some potatoes and onions if you got them. A can or two of whatever veggies you have in the cupboard and maybe a can of beans(with the liquid, potatoes always need salt). Add a seasoning packet or two from a ramen package, save the noodle part for later. Add some water, usually half a pot, don’t worry, it’ll make more. Let sit on low all day or high if you started at noon when you realize you forgot to plan dinner. Just before eating, check for taste. Probably needs salt, remember those potatoes? Also pepper, garlic powder, parsley if you’re lucky enough to have it. Now crush up those ramen noodles you saved from earlier and add them. Stir through. By the time you find all the kids and get them washed and to the table, dinner is ready. Just add milk and bread and butter. Said kids will love you forever. Or at least until you take away their phone for not taking out the garbage and helping with the dishes. Enjoy!

I also need a place besides Facebook to keep my Gratitude List.

  • Today I’m grateful to really start a blog. I hope it goes well. I’m grateful to be feeling better from my tooth extraction. It’s making me spunky. Grateful to have my child here today. No matter how often we fight, argue and generally disagree, I always have his back. I remember a time when he wasn’t sleeping across the room. LOVES
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Surprises

19 Nov

Today started out as a lazy day. I had booksomnia last night and slept in. And I decided I wasn’t getting dressed either. So I was going to lounge around in my pj’s all day.

This afternoon while I was on my couch under a blanket, there’s a knock at the door. I figured it was the neighborhood kids looking for Carson, so I yelled to come in. It wasn’t! There was a nice lady and her two sons here to give me a basket of goodies.

Remember, I’m in my pj’s and can’t get up because these are the “bottom of the barrel” pj’s. The rattiest, holiest, most worn out set of pj’s. You know, the most comfortable ones.

So here is this woman I didn’t know bringing me stuff I never asked for and making me feel so very blessed.

  • I’m grateful that I was under a blanket when that knock on the door came. I’m grateful to be the recipient of others love and caring. I’m grateful my hole in my head where my tooth was is starting to feel better so I can eat some if these goodies before Carson get to all of them.

Night all. LOVES

SOME TIMES?!

18 Nov

Sometimes when you sit down to write, you get interrupted and by the time you get back to it, your thought process is completely somewhere else or you can’t remember what you were going to talk about in the first place. So you start to write again and you get interrupted again. Oh, the life of a parent!

  • I’m just going to say that I’m very grateful to have the opportunity to parent my children. There were times when I didn’t think it was going to be possible. I’m grateful that they aren’t always little turds. The good times make the trying times worth it. I’m grateful it’s Friday night. I think I’m going to shut everything off early and go read a REAL book. I need some alone time with just me for a while.
  • Night all. LOVES

4:44 AM

16 Nov

My daughter was born at 4:44am on September 6, 1991. She went to heaven on December 21, 1991. So she was here for 107 days. But she’s always in my heart.

The person (he was my sister-in-law’s pastor) who spoke at the funeral, told us that the number 444 was important and that we should always remember it. So I think about her every time I wake up in the middle of the night. When I was using, and I was already awake, I would have conversations with her. Now that I’m sober, I still do just because it’s a habit. And it’s comforting.

So this morning when I woke up not feeling very well, I figured it was my daughter coming to check on me. Especially because I was dreaming about her.

Because I had my tooth pulled yesterday I haven’t been eating much so I’ve been really paying attention to my sugar levels. So I checked when I woke up. They were low so I knew to get up and eat something.

  • I’m grateful for beliefs that get me through the difficulties of life. I’m grateful to that man offering a comforting thought to a grieving family so long ago. I’m grateful I have a habit of checking my sugar when I wake up in the middle of the night.

Night all. LOVES

Its like pulling teeth

15 Nov

This morning I got to visit the dentist to have a broken tooth pulled. My favoritest thing ever! NOT!!! And get this. They took my tooth and didn’t give me a token for the prize machine! I think I might complain to the management! Or the Tooth Fairy!

After getting done at the dentist, we went to the pharmacy, then Freddy’s, back to the pharmacy, to another pharmacy, and finally to my son’s school because he called me sick.

He has TV dinners to microwave for dinner. I have ice cream, pudding, and Jell-O to eat when I’m hungry. Can’t have hot foods until tomorrow. Then I can add mashed potatoes and soft noodles. No rice, corn, beans or any other small foods. Now I’m off to bed for the duration.

  • I’m grateful to have the tooth out. The pain and stress was almost worse than getting it pulled. I’m grateful to my friend for going above and beyond by running me around all day when it was just supposed to be for an hour. I’m grateful my bed and pillows are soft.

Night all. LOVES

Almost late

15 Nov

I almost was too late tonight to post. I am definitely much later than I usually post.

I went to my Resident Advisory Committee meeting tonight. I haven’t gone in a couple of months because my health hasn’t been great and my babysitting situation has been spotty.

My health still isn’t great, but I needed to go. I made a commitment and I need to keep it.

As for the babysitting situation? Tonight was the first time I’ve left him home alone for any extended length of time. I haven’t decided who was the most nervous about it. Him or me?

But in the end, it all worked out. He didn’t burn down the house. He was in bed when I came home. He WAS still awake but baby steps. He didn’t start calling me until he had been Aline for over 2 hours.

It was harder to get him to settle when he went to sleep. He had to tell me all about his day. On a normal day, trying to get him to talk about his day is like pulling teeth.

  • I’m grateful we did alright with the staying home thing. I’m grateful to get back to my meeting. I’ve missed the adult conversation. I’m grateful I remembered to write before I fell asleep. Which is shortly.

Night all. LOVES

Paperwork

14 Nov

In the last week, I’ve had 2 recertifications for my housing, recertification for my health insurance, and a survey for my dentist. I also have to finish a questionnaire for my son’s likes, hopes and dreams for his Developmental Disabilities caseworker. I’m all paperworked out.

Except I don’t think I’m done. I have to finish the recertification process to stay in my apartment. And I need to get an appointment to go over my Section 8 paperwork. I’m not sure what is left for the insurance. Hopefully, that one is finished because nothing has changed in the last year.

I also have my monthly housing committee meeting this week. As well as my dentist appointment to have my tooth pulled. And a behavior specialist is coming to the house on Thursday to discuss what’s next in my son’s life. Which probably means more paperwork!

I have paperwork stashed in boxes all over my house. I’m never sure of what I can throw away, what I should throw away, and what I never should throw away. So I keep it. In boxes stacked around the walls in my house.

I think that’s what I’ll ask Santa for this year. Someone to come show me a better way of keeping track of the mounds of paperwork I accumulate on a daily basis. And I want some new ice trays. And maybe a vacuum.

  • I’m grateful to have all the supports and help that I get. I just wish there wasn’t so much paperwork to go with it. I’m grateful that I have smoke detectors because I bet all the stacked boxes of paperwork I’m afraid to throw away would burn nicely. I’m grateful for a box of new pens and Tylenol so I can complete more paperwork.

Night all. LOVES

Gratitude changes you

13 Nov

In church today, we talked about gratitude and how it can change your outlook on life. I can tell you that it works. I’ve been doing My Gratitude List for 8 years. And a year of it here on this blog. And I know that I look at so many things in a different way than when I started.

I used to think everything and everyone was out to get me any that it didn’t matter what I did. My life sucked and I would never get clean. My kids were never coming home and it didn’t matter if they did because I was a rotten mom and person. And more along those lines.

But now, by looking for the positive in every situation, I can honestly say that I’m happy where I am and with what I’m doing. I’m not a perfect mom, but I AM the best mom I can be at the moment. My kids have a clean and sober mother who lives them very much and what’s THEM to do the best that THEY can in all they do.

My life isn’t the way I always wanted it to be but I’m okay with where it is. I’m making progress in getting things the way I can be happy with.

  • I’m grateful that all of our needs are met every day. And some of our wants too. I’m grateful for freezer burritos for dinner. I get fish. I’m grateful I do gratitude and thankfulness all year and not just in November. Doing it every day means I don’t forget what it could have like.

Night all. LOVES