Let’s get started

19 Nov

Someone suggested I start a blog. I’m not sure how this will go, but here goes. This is just going to be my thoughts, feelings and things I find along the way.

Today I thought about starting a cookbook. Here’s the first recipe as I posted it on Facebook.

My favorite is “Whatchagot stew”. A package of meat from the freezer in the bottom of the pot. Yes, frozen. Who plans anymore? Add any and all veggies hanging out in the bottom of the chiller drawer, even the wilted ones. Some potatoes and onions if you got them. A can or two of whatever veggies you have in the cupboard and maybe a can of beans(with the liquid, potatoes always need salt). Add a seasoning packet or two from a ramen package, save the noodle part for later. Add some water, usually half a pot, don’t worry, it’ll make more. Let sit on low all day or high if you started at noon when you realize you forgot to plan dinner. Just before eating, check for taste. Probably needs salt, remember those potatoes? Also pepper, garlic powder, parsley if you’re lucky enough to have it. Now crush up those ramen noodles you saved from earlier and add them. Stir through. By the time you find all the kids and get them washed and to the table, dinner is ready. Just add milk and bread and butter. Said kids will love you forever. Or at least until you take away their phone for not taking out the garbage and helping with the dishes. Enjoy!

I also need a place besides Facebook to keep my Gratitude List.

  • Today I’m grateful to really start a blog. I hope it goes well. I’m grateful to be feeling better from my tooth extraction. It’s making me spunky. Grateful to have my child here today. No matter how often we fight, argue and generally disagree, I always have his back. I remember a time when he wasn’t sleeping across the room. LOVES

Changing routines

20 Jun

My son and I have a routine when we go to his therapy appointments. We always stop at Taco Bell either right before or right after the appointment. We usually go after unless school is out. It started because the restaurant is about 2 blocks from the therapist’s office and we needed a reward for being willing to go and not run away.

We have changed up a few times in the years we’ve been going to this particular therapist. For a while, the Taco Bell was being remodeled and we would visit a different neighborhood restaurant. Some times finances just don’t let us go out to eat that week.

So today we went to Taco Bell before his appointment. I’ve had problems going lately because there isn’t many things there that are on my diet, but I continue to go and try because its a time for my son and I to just sit and talk without many distractions.

I tried one of their new items and I didn’t specify hot or mild sauce. I guess the default is hot. It’s not really spicy, but it was spicy enough. I have been sick all afternoon. I tried some crackers at the office. I took some Tums when I got home and laid down for a while. My tummy still isn’t happy with me. I’ll probably be going back to bed shortly.

  • I’m grateful that my son understands that we might need to change up our routine. I’m grateful that my yucky tummy didn’t get really terrible until we got home. I’m grateful I still have Tums upstairs.

Night all. LOVES

9 years

19 Jun

Nine years ago today I was tired. Tired of where my life had gone and tired of knowing where I was headed. I knew I needed to do something, anything, different or I was going to die. And I didn’t want to die as a broken down, sorry tweaker. So I went to a 12-step speaker meeting.

At that meeting I heard a story that sounded so familiar to mine. And I heard the hope he had for a different, better life. And I borrowed his hope until I could figure out how to get my own.

I kept going to meetings. I actually snuck out of the house to go to meetings because the people in my house didn’t want me clean. If I got clean, they would be homeless because they didn’t want anything different. I agreed to go to inpatient treatment for 6 months. By the time the 6 months was over, I was willing to get another 6 months. And told all those old people goodbye. I didn’t need what they were offering anymore.

I’ve learned in 9 years that life can still suck. There are still obstacles and things that go wrong. But I don’t have to use over it. I’ve also learned that life is beautiful. And wonderful and fulfilling. And I don’t have to use over that either. I’ve learned that I just need to take things one step, one moment, one day at a time and to ALWAYS remember to breathe. As long as you breathe, you ain’t dead and there is hope.

  • I’m grateful for 9 years clean and sober. I’m grateful to that speaker who gave me his hope to borrow for a while until I found my own. I’m grateful to still be breathing.

Night all. LOVES

Father’s Day

17 Jun

Today in church, I heard some wonderful things about fathers and what they can teach us. There are many fathers that I can say touched my life.

The first is MY father. He has been a pillar of strength for me, especially the last few years. He has taught me patience, strength, perseverance, and how to stand tall. He has shown me to stay true to your beliefs even when its hard. To be gentle and loving, but firm. He has loved me.

My grandfathers both were amazing men. One started a business and raised beautiful horses. The other took on a woman and her children and made us all feel loved and included.

There are the fathers of my children who gave me my greatest gifts. There are the fathers in my life now who teach me through their love and caring to be strong, resilient, and caring. The fathers who stood next to me this weekend and made me feel welcome.

And there’s my Heavenly Father, who has shown me that no matter what, he loves me and will do whatever it takes to guide me where I should go. He teaches me compassion and acceptance. And how to love others.

  • I’m grateful for my dad. I’m grateful today for all the other fathers and their lessons in life. I’m grateful to be raising sons to be great fathers themselves.

Night all. LOVES

Feeling Peaceful

17 Jun

I woke up early, 5am, this morning to go to the temple. After not sleeping much last night. Does anybody remember the Disney commercial where the kids are saying they’re too excited to sleep? Yeah, it was like that.

After spending all morning at the temple, some friends from church took me out to lunch at a fancy restaurant. One with real cloth napkins! I had an amazing roasted Brussels sprouts and endive salad.

Then I came home and took a mom nap. Mom naps are when you close and rest your eyes, but you are still mostly conscious of what’s going on around you. Definitely going to sleep well tonight.

  • I’m grateful that all my hard work led me to where I spent the day. Now on to the next goal. I’m grateful for restaurants with cloth napkins and friends. I’m grateful my son didn’t burn down the house when I left him home alone all day. He slept most of it.

Night all. LOVES

Excited changes

16 Jun

I had an early morning appointment with the endocrinologist today. It was just a check up to see how my diabetes is doing. I’m so excited. My A1c is down to 5.5. I have lost 66.2 pounds since July 2017, 53.2 since January this year. I get to cut my last little bit of insulin down to 10 units at bedtime and if my numbers don’t jump a bunch, I can quit taking it all together next month.

Tomorrow morning, I go to the LDS Temple. Its my first time going and I’m excited. I have been working on this goal for a very long time.

Monday, Heavenly Father willing, I will have 9 years clean and sober. I’m so excited. This is the longest one day at a times in a row ever. This is almost a fifth of my life.

Lots of exciting, wonderful, great things ahead this weekend. I’m only a little bit overwhelmed, but I know that if I remember to breathe, I will be okie dokie.

  • I’m grateful for a great doctor’s appointment today. I’m grateful for tomorrow morning. I’m grateful for another one day at a time.

Night all. LOVES

I peopled today

15 Jun

I live in a clean and sober housing community. It is wonderful to know that my children and I are living in a safe and supportive environment. Especially when I was newly clean and afraid of relapse.

Several times a year the management have community events where we can just hang out and be with our neighbors and their kids. Today was such a day.

We had a ‘Welcome Summer Bash’! There was fried chicken, macaroni salad, chips, and fresh fruit. There were several stations where the kids could do rock painting, face painting, building with LEGOs, making ice cream in baggies, and tie-dying t-shirts.

I went out when it started at noon and stayed out all afternoon. I put a lawn chair in the shade and played with the neighbor’s babies. I went to all the stations and saw what everyone was doing and interacted with people. I was totally out of my comfort zone.

But by 3-3:30, my tolerance was about done. My anxiety was kicking in big-time! So after helping clean up the yard, it was time to go back into my cave to hide. I’m peopled out.

  • I’m grateful I went outside this afternoon. I’m grateful I stayed out for the entire event. I’m grateful in was partly overcast so it wasn’t super hot. It was a perfect day.

Night all. LOVES


Soup night

14 Jun

I made soup for dinner tonight. It must have been delicious because the Boy ate 2 giant bowls.

I started by browning about 10 oz of hamburger, then sprinkled about 3 tablespoons of flour over it with a tablespoon of unsalted butter, cooking until the flour starts to bubble and brown. Then I added half a can of evaporated milk that had been hanging out on the bottom of the shelf of the fridge for a couple of days. I also put a tablespoon of chicken flavor Better than Bullion and a couple of quarts of water. Cook over low heat until it starts to thicken and bubble. I added 3 huge handfuls of pre-shredded cheese and let it hang out over low heat in my electric skillet while I boiled 8 oz of egg noodles. I drained them and added to my soup. Seasoned to taste with seasoned salt, pepper, sriracha, and garlic powder.

The only problem is when I was cleaning out the kitchen, I threw away all the old, stained plastic containers. Now I don’t have anything big enough to store the leftovers.

  • I’m grateful that THIS experiment turned out so well. I’m grateful there will be dinner tomorrow night when I figure out what to put the leftovers in. I’m grateful I almost need to turn the heat on tonight. Not looking forward to th 90’s forecast for next week.

Night all. LOVES