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17 Dec

I’m feeling resentful towards my youngest son’s father. And it’s bothering me. But not just because he hasn’t seen his son in 3 months. Not exactly, anyway. I mean it does really bother me that my son is so depressed and hurt that he hasn’t seen his dad.

Here’s the reason why I’m really resentful. My son and I have been in each others pockets for 3 whole months! I need a break. He’s getting on my nerves for stupid, insignificant things. The same things he always does. But right now they’re making me crazy! And we have 2 weeks of 24/7 ahead of us because there’s no school. I know! Just remember to breathe!

  • I’m grateful for a 2 story house. We can be on different floors when we’re really on each others nerves. I’m grateful to friends for offering my son overnighters so I can take a break. I’m grateful to know that as much as he’s annoying me, I’m probably annoying him too. And can act accordingly.

Night all. LOVES


Wednesday December 12, 2018

13 Dec

Another difficult day today. We had our monthly appointment with the psychologist today. My son figured out today that his dad isn’t coming for Christmas. I’ve told him, but he didn’t get it until now.┬áIt is so hard to watch someone you love hurting so much and there’s really nothing you can do about it. Just need to remember to breathe.

  • I’m grateful to get where we needed to be today. I’m grateful the weather cooperated today. I’m grateful my neighbor for doing a store run for me.

Night all. LOVES

Struggling for words

11 Dec

We had therapy for my son this afternoon. Some difficult subjects came up. Mostly about how much his dad has been flaking lately. It hurts to see my son hurting so much. And it makes me annoyed with his dad.

The most frustrating part is when my son shuts down. He won’t talk. He’ll text, but only in partial words or letters. Or he’ll use pictures and pointing. Then we get to play a guessing game to figure out what he’s thinking about. He gets annoyed at me because sometimes I just can’t understand what he’s trying to tell me.

The therapist asked if I’ve thought about getting an app that helps him communicate. I told her it was cheaper in the long run to get the phone. The app is several hundred dollars. And you need a dedicated tablet for to run on.

We had gotten so much better with communication, but there has been lots of regression lately. I’m not sure what to do about it except to keep muddling along.

  • I’m grateful a triple cheeseburger and a frosty from Wendy’s helped my son find his words tonight. I’m grateful I didn’t throw up after 4 chicken nuggets and a few bites of a frosty. It was iffy for a moment. I’m grateful to be on the last week before Christmas break. Come on Friday!

Night all. LOVES

So annoyed

6 Dec

My son gets disability payments. Part of the plan is that at least every 3 months I’m supposed to meet with someone from the county disability office about his goals. So far I’ve met his current caseworker exactly NEVER! He’s been the caseworker since my son was a sophomore. Some assistant did the paperwork meeting the last 2 years.

This year, someone from the county came to do a recertification and asked how we got along with the caseworker. She was VERY disturbed when I told her I have never met him.

A little less than a week after she was here, I get a phone call from the caseworker wanting to meet. I cleared and rearranged my schedule for him. The morning of the appointment, he calls to cancel. Some sort of medical thing. It’s a good thing we were to meet at my house because it was about 2 hours before the appointment. I would have already been on my way.

We rescheduled for this afternoon. About 45 minutes before our meeting he calls to cancel again. This time his child is sick. That family seems to be having a tough couple of months medically.

I think I probably wouldn’t be as annoyed as I am if I didn’t know he only trying to not get in trouble with his boss. I realize that things come up. I really understand! But at the moment, its a good thing he didn’t call back like he was supposed to. Just breathe! I’ll be less annoyed tomorrow.

  • I’m grateful this appointment was set at the house. If I had to go out in the cold and then have it cancelled I probably wouldn’t be as understanding as I am. I’m grateful that my house is clean enough for people to come by. I’m grateful I can work on letting it go. I’m nowhere near as angry now as I was earlier.

Night all. LOVES


27 Nov

I learned an interesting lesson today. It wasn’t that it is never a joy to take a surly teenager to an appointment. It wasn’t that at said appointment with a new therapist, said surly teenager won’t say a word. It wasn’t that the local Taco Bell’s lobby was closed because of a ‘staffing issue?’, please use our drive thru. We don’t have a car! It wasn’t that the surly teenager was more surly because Taco Bell is his favorite place to go. It wasn’t that the Walgreens didn’t have any gloves.

Nope, the lesson learned is that its tough to eat fast food when you new stomach doesn’t like food. I don’t like sitting across from someone and watching THEM eat. I had some chicken nuggets and a couple of French fries that I soon threw up. Then came home and took a nap. I’ll try again.

  • I’m grateful my surly teenager finally smiled this afternoon. I’m grateful I had some tuna this evening and it has stayed in. I’m grateful that even with all the setbacks of the day, I can still find something to smile about.

Night all. LOVES

Thanksgiving Day

23 Nov

Today has been a wonderful day. We slept in after staying up late. Had TV dinners for lunch and my eldest brought us something for dinner.

  • I’m grateful for a drizzly day. The Earth needed a drink. I’m grateful my eldest came to see me today. I’m grateful my youngest is using me for a pillow. HE needs attention.

Night all. LOVES


Pre-holiday shopping

21 Nov

We had to go grocery shopping today. We needed to get our TV dinners for Thursday. And I was out of yogurt and Gatorade. The yogurt helps my stomach and the Gatorade helps me to not be dehydrated.

We also stopped at the health food store for my sons favorite candy bay that I have owed him for over a month. While there we found a new straw lid for his water bottle. He’s stoked! Chocolate and he doesn’t need to open the bottle to drink it. Hoping he drinks more water now.

The grocery store was a madhouse! NO shopping carts because they were ALL in use. He decided he didn’t know me when I started to use my arm signals to turn into the lane I needed. Both of us were having too many people anxiety so we just got the bare minimum and got done quickly.

  • I’m grateful the MAX and the bus weren’t as packed as the store. We hit the commute at just the right time. I’m grateful I had enough to reward my packmule, I mean son for carrying all the bottles home. I’m grateful that I don’t need to leave the complex unless I want to until after the holidays. I’m done peopling for a while.

Night all. LOVES