Archive | May, 2019

Night night. Sleep tight.

31 May

Almost missed it tonight. We had an orientation for the transition program my son is in next year. Then we had to figure out dinner. So we went to the grocery store to get lemons to finish my oven and then Panda Express across the street. Its his favorite.

But I’m so tired tonight, I’m almost falling asleep before him. My 2 am wakeup this morning is catching up on me. Nightmares again. Which wouldn’t be a good idea because he wouldn’t go to sleep at all.

He’s having some issues because he heard some distressing news today and isn’t dealing with it well. He was digging Legos out all afternoon before we left. And we have a housing inspection tomorrow! Thank goodness he picked everything up, but I’m definitely not looking forward to the weekend. Plus he has a really bad attitude. Just breathe!

  • I’m grateful to meet his teacher for next year tonight. Seems to be a really nice man. I’m grateful he’s almost snoring. My luck I will be wide awake as soon as I hit my pillow. I’m grateful tomorrow is Friday! And the day before payday. I’m making a Doritos chicken casserole for dinner tomorrow night.

Night all. LOVES

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Just keep swimming

29 May

Yesterday I wrote about stress. Today is what happens when I have too much stress. I don’t sleep well. I have nightmares and wake up with a headache and my whole body hurts. I spend most of the day in bed under all my blankets watching listening to YouTube. I usually face the other way with the phone face down. I don’t eat very well either.

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So this afternoon I decided I needed to get up. I combed my hair, got dressed, and made a healthy dinner of organic grassfed hamburger, stir-fried veggies and 1/2 cup of the macaroni and cheese I made for the child. And I ate the macaroni last so I could eat the healthy stuff first. I’ll put the rest of the hamburger and veggies in containers in the fridge so meals will be easy the next few days. Just keep swimming and remember to breathe.

  • I’m grateful I had a pound of hamburger in the back of the freezer. I’m grateful for frozen veggies. I’m grateful to be dressed.

Night all. LOVES

Stress and gratitude

29 May

There is so much stuff going through my head that its hard to get it organized enough to put it into words. My son has 4 more days of school and graduation on Sunday. Why does it have to be on a Sunday! When public transportation sucks! I have an annual housing inspection on Friday so my house is getting deep cleaned. Its difficult because my body isn’t quite up to the challenge. My son who is graduating split the crotch out of the last pair of pants that fit him well. So I treked across town to the thrift store to get him some more. He would rather wear the ones I sewed up yesterday. I haven’t saved enough for his Nintendo Switch he wants for his graduation/birthday present. It’ll probably take me until his birthday in August to get it.

Speaking of his birthday. When he’s 18, we could lose our housing because its housing for families with children. At 18, he’s no longer a children, he’s technically an adult. Even if he’s not mentally one. We will also lose part of our income. And he will be reevaluated for SSI/SSD. Which is more stress.

I know this is a random blog, but it’s what’s really, real today. I know that if I keep keeping on, it will work out the way its supposed to and we’ll be ok. I need to learn to “Let go and let my Higher Power be in charge.”

  • I’m grateful that even with all this stuff going on, today I have food, shelter, and clothing. I’m grateful to get a ride for my trek today. I’m grateful I got my almost adult to agree to wear the pants AND the nice outfit I bought for him to wear Sunday.

Night all. LOVES

Memorial Day 2019

27 May

Today is the day we honor those who have died serving their country. Because they gave their all, I get to sit here on my couch writing this.

  • I’m grateful to live in this country. I’m grateful to the sacrifices of others. I’m just grateful today.

Night all. LOVES

Sunday, May 26, 2019

26 May

Just gratitude today.

  • I’m grateful to get to church this morning even when I really didn’t want to go. I’m grateful to gift some stuff to others so its out of MY house. I’m grateful to that warm fuzzy feeling you get when the music or something you read just hits the right spot.

Night all. LOVES

Saturday, May 25, 2019

26 May

It’s quiet day in my house. Its rainy, cold, and overcast outside. Inside I’m just hanging out. I woke up in a cold sweat this morning from nightmares. I took a hot shower and put on warm, comfy clothes and I’ve spent the rest of the day trying to get warm. I’m eating lots of soup and drinking lots of water, watching YouTube and reading a book on my Kindle. All the usual coping skills.

  • I’m grateful to have my basic needs met. Food, clothing, and shelter. I’m grateful for electricity and gas heat. I’m grateful for internet and phone service. I’m all set.

Night all. LOVES

Another check on my list

24 May

I have a housing inspection next week because I live in a low-income housing complex. We get at least 1 inspection a year, but usually 2. And the week or so before the inspection, the apartment management company comes in and does their own inspection. Mostly so they can make sure everything is fixed.

The management company came yesterday. I ended up with a noncompliance violation because my house wasn’t clean. I KNEW it wasn’t clean. It didn’t NEED to be done until next week. And the person I was having come help me was scheduled for today.

I will admit that most of the house is actually done. Just my son’s room and the corner of the living room where he has all his projects going on wasn’t done. We did his room today. I’ll work on the front room this weekend. Then I have someone coming in Monday to mop and vacuum the floors.

It sucks that I still need help to deep clean. When I did MY room the other day, I hurt myself moving something. I hurt myself today too. I dropped a bike on my leg. But I’ll live. Now I’m sitting the rest of the day. I’m tired.

I’m grateful to my friends for being willing to help me throw stuff away. I still have issues with it. I’m grateful to have one more thing on my list checked off before next week. I’m grateful I still have 7 days to be ready.

Night all. LOVES