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Go Mom!

13 Dec

Something woke me up before the alarm this morning. Not enough before to go back to bed, but enough to grumble about the missed 20 minutes.

As I was going about my routine, my child wakes up vomiting everywhere. In his bed, across the carpet, on the bathroom floor, on the tub, on the toilet, and FINALLY in the toilet. And because the floors are wet, he slips and falls in it and throws up some more. And who gets to clean it up? Go Mom!

After getting him in and out of the shower, and tucked into his other bed(I am SOOOOOO grateful he has 2 twins), there’s still stuff to clean up. School to email, bus to cancel, find the thermometer. Yeah, go Mom!

Found a babysitter (bribed my other child with soda, cigarettes, and goodies!) so I could keep my therapist appointment and pick up our monthly allotment at the pharmacy. Go Mom!

Came home to one child in bed, but not having thrown up again (BONUS), and the other asleep on the couch. So I snuck off to my housing committee meeting that it was STRONGLY SUGGESTED that I make because there was budget stuff to discuss. Go Mom!

The bribed child has went home now. The other is sitting here seeing if the hot Jell-O will stay in. It’s all he’s had besides a Gatorade and water today. Then he can go back up to bed. My grandmother always said a little flavored sugar might help. It gives the body carbs and protein to function. Go Mom!

Now here it is, almost 10pm, and I have 2 loads of laundry in that needs finished before I go to bed (hoping I don’t need to rewash anything because it sat all day). Then I need to make my bed because it has stuff all over it so I could find towels, washcloths, and clean clothes this morning. Go Mom!

I have a housing inspection tomorrow but I’m going to have to take a black mark. There us no way I’m going to be ready. I’m just too overwhelmed by life right now. I’ll just have to do the best I can with what I have at this very moment. And at this moment, the well is pretty empty. Go Mom?!

  • I’m grateful to have woken up early this morning. It could have started so much worse. I’m grateful to my middle child for being willing to be bribed for the day. I helps me so much all the time. I’m grateful that the Jell-O has stayed in for a half hour already. Knocking on wood that THIS crisis is returning to normal. Now it’s time to go check the washer. Go Mom!

Night all. LOVES



ups and downs of my mental health

3 Dec

The other day I wrote about starting some projects around the house. Well none of them have been finished and I’m out of energy. It’s hard to be up and at’em one day and so tired a couple of days later. Especially when I’m so scattered during the up days.

Lots of things get started, but I don’t finish anything. I am such a “squirrel” person. Get off track on to something else so easily. So here I am, barely enough energy to get out of bed with all these semi finished projects stacked all over around me.

They will probably get shoved in, behind, under, and around somewhere so I don’t have to look at them, and then they’ll get forgotten about until I find/think about them again. Usually when I’m starting to throw things out because my house is so cluttered with stuff.

It all just makes me feel worse in the long run. I don’t want to start anything because I’m afraid I can’t get it done. But once I start something, I get off on a tangent, and forget about the first thing, until I come across it again, so I decide to finish it, but that means I don’t finish the other thing I started, and then I see something else that needs done. And the whole cycle starts again.

And how can I teach my child to finish something he starts when he sees that I don’t. And I spiral some more.

I need some help. I have appointments for his and my therapists next week. And I need to keep them! I can’t call and postpone them again. I’ve been really good at doing that lately.

  • I’m grateful that I have this platform to ramble on. It helps me to organize my thoughts. I’m grateful it’s raining. I’m grateful I remembered to take all my meds today.

Night all. LOVES

Dentist thoughts

30 Nov

Had another dentist appointment today. They took a bunch of x-rays and did some deep cleaning. They are doing the cleaning in quadrants. Today was bottom right. Top right is next month. It wasn’t too bad after they numbed it. It just took lots to get it numb.

Can a person be less susceptible to painkillers and anesthesia? Because I always seem to need more than they expect. I don’t do it on purpose, but it’s hard to not flinch when the tooth power washer hits a tender spot.

The dentist also talked about what he wants to do in the future after the cleaning is done. He wants to pull my remaining top front teeth and fit me for a partial. And for it to fit correctly, he will need to file down some of my lower front teeth. And I can’t be put to sleep to do all this because he isn’t an oral surgeon.

I’m scared! I think I’m more scared about this than talking about the weight loss surgery. I don’t have to say yes yet, but he thinks the top teeth will fall out anyway within a couple of years. And he doesn’t want me to get too much bone loss or the partial won’t fit right. I have lots to think about.

  • I’m grateful I made it to the dentist today. I seriously thought about cancelling it. I’m grateful to see my middle child tonight. He came to dinner. I’m grateful I had a bunch of chicken in the freezer. I should have enough leftovers for chicken quesadillas for dinner tomorrow night.

Night all. LOVES

4:44 AM

16 Nov

My daughter was born at 4:44am on September 6, 1991. She went to heaven on December 21, 1991. So she was here for 107 days. But she’s always in my heart.

The person (he was my sister-in-law’s pastor) who spoke at the funeral, told us that the number 444 was important and that we should always remember it. So I think about her every time I wake up in the middle of the night. When I was using, and I was already awake, I would have conversations with her. Now that I’m sober, I still do just because it’s a habit. And it’s comforting.

So this morning when I woke up not feeling very well, I figured it was my daughter coming to check on me. Especially because I was dreaming about her.

Because I had my tooth pulled yesterday I haven’t been eating much so I’ve been really paying attention to my sugar levels. So I checked when I woke up. They were low so I knew to get up and eat something.

  • I’m grateful for beliefs that get me through the difficulties of life. I’m grateful to that man offering a comforting thought to a grieving family so long ago. I’m grateful I have a habit of checking my sugar when I wake up in the middle of the night.

Night all. LOVES

Its like pulling teeth

15 Nov

This morning I got to visit the dentist to have a broken tooth pulled. My favoritest thing ever! NOT!!! And get this. They took my tooth and didn’t give me a token for the prize machine! I think I might complain to the management! Or the Tooth Fairy!

After getting done at the dentist, we went to the pharmacy, then Freddy’s, back to the pharmacy, to another pharmacy, and finally to my son’s school because he called me sick.

He has TV dinners to microwave for dinner. I have ice cream, pudding, and Jell-O to eat when I’m hungry. Can’t have hot foods until tomorrow. Then I can add mashed potatoes and soft noodles. No rice, corn, beans or any other small foods. Now I’m off to bed for the duration.

  • I’m grateful to have the tooth out. The pain and stress was almost worse than getting it pulled. I’m grateful to my friend for going above and beyond by running me around all day when it was just supposed to be for an hour. I’m grateful my bed and pillows are soft.

Night all. LOVES

A recovery day

12 Nov

Today started out really slowly. We didn’t get home from babysitting until after midnight. Then it took a little while to get unwound and ready for bed. Especially the argument with the teenager about actually going to sleep and not staying up all night.

But try as I might, I couldn’t sleep past 8 o’clock this morning! And I didn’t take a nap today either. So I’m really tired. And because of all the running around I did this week, I’m really sore.

I did manage to get out today though. My friend came by and we went to pick up some Christmas decorations that someone was giving away. Then Walmart to do some Christmas buying. Can’t tell you what I bought because you might spill the beans. Wouldn’t want to let the cat out of the bag.

  • I’m grateful for Facebook free sites because I get cool stuff and I can get rid of stuff that someone else thinks is cool. I’m grateful to have all the dishes stacked up ready to wash. Makes it easier to do bits and pieces at a time until they’re all done. I’m grateful to NOT buy the boxes of dollar candy while wandering around the isles of Walmart. I really wanted to.

Night all. LOVES

Busy day, part 3

10 Nov

Today was supposed to be another busy day, but it wasn’t as bad as expected. Which is a really good thing. I need the extra energy to babysit the grands tomorrow. Chasing 2 toddlers for all day sounds exhausting.

Today I dropped my modems at UPS so they will give me a $100 credit. They really want the broken pieces back because they sent me a bill for them!

While I was right there, I stopped into Whole Foods for one of my favorite cookies. Their soft ginger/molasses cookies are a major weakness! And they don’t have them. They might not even be making them this year!!! I had to settle for a chocolate dipped coconut macaroon that is as big as my hand, a monster cookie for breakfast, some Greek salad, and some broccoli salad for my lunch. And a sparkly water.

Then I went up to OHSU on the hill to see the Diabetes Center specialist. Yes, I DO know cookies and diabetes are not friends. It’s called progress NOT perfection. She was really nice. She’s putting me on a new medication and changing some others. She’s also sending me to the nutritionist and diabetic education classes. She also brought up surgery. Another reason to be grateful I’m clean and sober.

I was supposed to have another meeting after OHSU, but it was rescheduled so I came home and made a bunch of business calls that I’ve been too busy to answer this week. I get to finish the paperwork this weekend.

It’s time to figure out what to feed this child and relax the rest of the evening. I need to dig out some black yarn so I can make some sleeve extenders (fingerless gloves) for our gloves because the ones we have don’t go up our arms enough.

  • I’m grateful today to my neighbor for keeping my stress levels low by my NOT needing to take the Boy with me. I’m grateful for all this stuff going on in my life because it keeps me too busy and tired to dwell on why I don’t like this time of year. I’m grateful that even though my child is a picky eater, it makes it easier to think of what to make for dinner.

Night all. LOVES