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Where I’m at

17 Feb

Yesterday I wrote about trying to be grateful for what I CAN do instead of stressing about what I can’t. Today I’ve been thinking about being grateful for where I’m at NOW instead of worrying about where I should be.

I’m in a couple of groups on Facebook for coping with gastric surgery. Lately, all the posts have been about ‘I haven’t lost much weight’, ‘how much have you lost?’, ‘how come you seem to be losing more than me!’, ‘what’s wrong with me’. It feels defeating to go read everyone’s posts. So I’ve mostly quit reading them.

Yes, I did get surgery to help me lose weight, but I did it mostly to get healthier. I’m not focused on how much I’m losing. I eat the way I’m supposed to most of the time. My A1c is excellent. No more diabetic medications. I’m almost off my blood pressure medication. All of my clothes are too big. So I must be doing alright. I have no clue what I weigh today. I only get on a scale at the doctor’s office.

  • I’m grateful to be learning to be ok where I am and to not worry about the shoulds. I’m grateful to be getting healthier. I’m grateful to have a roof over our heads and food to eat.

Night all. LOVES

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I am not my tasks

15 Feb

This has been an interesting week. I’ve had lots of body pain that has been preventing me from doing all the things I’ve wanted to do. As the weight has come off, I’ve been able to do more things. So when I have a setback, I add stressing about what I can’t get done today on to all the other stresses I seem to find. Which causes more stress and leads to falling into a vicious circle.

Today I was watching a video on YouTube of The Frey Life where they talk about “What is something that you wish you could do but can’t because of your disease?” She has cystic fibrosis. I’m sure the person who asked the question wanted to know if there was some big thing that Mary wanted to do but couldn’t. But she answered the things she wishes she could do but can’t are the dishes, the laundry, the everyday things that a normal person usually can do. She said that she says, “I am not my tasks!”  to help her deal with the day to day things that she sometimes can’t do.

It struck home to me that THAT is how I feel sometimes. I have never hid the fact that I hate to do dishes. But since my surgery, I have been happy to do them because I CAN. Until this week. I’ve been slacking on the dishes because it hurts too much to stand there.

I need to vacuum my house. I know that it will probably help my sneezing and ability to sleep because of my allergies, but I can’t. I hurt too much to do it. And I know if I do it anyway, it will mean something else probably won’t. Like making sure my son has something to eat.

I need to remember that my life is not defined by WHAT I’m doing or not doing. I fell that my life should be defined by HOW I deal with what is set before me by making the best of everything I get. I need to remember “I did the best I could with what I had at the time.” 

  • I’m grateful I was in too much pain today to do something besides lie there watching YouTube because I never would have heard what I did. I’m grateful that my Higher Power puts things in front of me to remind me of what’s important. I’m grateful I GET to learn to be ok with where I am right now and to learn to not stress over what I can’t.

Night all. LOVES

Thursday, February 14, 2019

15 Feb

The whole world seems to be fixated on today being Valentine’s Day. But for me, it’s just another Thursday. I don’t have a special valentine, nor do I really want one at the moment.

I spent my morning doing pool exercises then grocery shopping. I spent the afternoon trying not to move too much because my hips and legs still hurt. But I’m not as stiff as I was yesterday, so that’s an improvement.

I’m spending my evening reading, playing games on my phone and occasionally having discussions with my teenager about whatever I can drag out of him about his day. He’s not very willing most of the time.

  • I’m grateful to get some bread, milk, cereal, yogurt, and eggs today. The basics of life. I’m grateful I didn’t have to go out and about on the bus today. It was cold and wet out. I’m grateful to be relaxing on my couch with my youngest tonight. A quiet evening for both of us.

Night all. LOVES

Wednesday, February 13, 2019

14 Feb

I had bad dreams last night and woke up all tense and I’ve hurt all day. I haven’t eaten well today and that hasn’t helped the situation. All I can do is start over tomorrow.

  • I’m grateful to the neighbor for treats for my son. I’m grateful to be going to the pool tomorrow. I’m grateful tomorrow is a new day.

Night all. LOVES

It’s not ramen

10 Feb

It’s a cold, snizzly (cross between snow and drizzle) day. It’s just perfect for curling up with a good book or a movie, on the couch with your favorite woobie, with something warm to eat/drink.

I never realized how much I ate ramen and macaroni and cheese until this last year. I’m missing it today. A bowl of chicken ramen with stretchy cheese is just so warm and comforting and warms you up from the inside out.

But I can’t do ramen any more. So I had to come up with something else. I start with a mug of water in the microwave for 2 minutes. I add half a baby spoon of Better Than Bullion low sodium chicken base and my usual seasonings. Sriracha, pepper, garlic powder and onion powder. I don’t add salt because the chicken stock is still salty. Even the lower sodium one. Then I add a 1/4 cup of instant potatoes and an ounce of shredded cheese. Stir well.

Now for the protein. It usually depends on what I have handy. I’ve used lunch meat, leftovers or I’ll fry up some ground turkey. Today I put an egg in it before I added the potatoes. The heated water cooked it. Just like egg drop soup. I also added some frozen peas because I’ve been adding them to everything lately.

Its warm and comforting. It’s mostly good for me and less than 300 calories. I don’t eat it all the time, but you can only have so many protein shakes. And it takes less than 5 minutes.

  • I’m grateful today to have a cat in my lap. She doesn’t cuddle very often. I’m grateful for 5 minute meals when I really just don’t want to cook. I’m grateful to feel warm and cozy this afternoon as it tries to snow.

Night all. LOVES

Friday February 8, 2019

9 Feb

My stomach is still mad at me today. I had aqua aerobics today and the rest of my body is mad at me today. It’s supposed to snow this weekend and I can’t wait. A quiet weekend curled up with a book watching the snow pile up sounds heavenly.

  • I’m grateful to get to the store for milk today. Before the snowpocalypse survivalists hit the grocery aisles. I’m grateful it’s Friday. Nothing to do for at least a day. I’m grateful for Tylenol and pepto bismal. Hopefully they both work quickly.

Night all. LOVES

Goal problem solving

7 Feb

Yesterday I wrote about finding a new goal. Today my goal is to feel better. And get prepared for another snowstorm this weekend. I forgot to get milk yesterday when I was at the store. So I’ll probably have to get some at the corner stop-n-rob. It’s a bit more expensive but doesn’t involve bus fare and crowds at the big store fighting over bread and eggs.

Although I know why my stomach hurts, I haven’t found a great way to get things moving. One of the drawbacks of a high protein, low carb diet. Things tend to get stopped up and hard to pass on. I picked up some prunes and other dried fruit yesterday. Think I’m going to make some mixed fruit trail mix with some roasted peanuts.

  • I’m grateful my sons package that he has been waiting all week for came today. No more 20 times a day of “when’s it gonna be here?” I’m grateful I have some ideas about how to help one of my issues along. I’m grateful to get a nap this morning. My headache is mostly gone. Its annoying how a problem one place can cause problems someplace else.

Night all. LOVES