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Breathe!

17 Dec

I’m feeling resentful towards my youngest son’s father. And it’s bothering me. But not just because he hasn’t seen his son in 3 months. Not exactly, anyway. I mean it does really bother me that my son is so depressed and hurt that he hasn’t seen his dad.

Here’s the reason why I’m really resentful. My son and I have been in each others pockets for 3 whole months! I need a break. He’s getting on my nerves for stupid, insignificant things. The same things he always does. But right now they’re making me crazy! And we have 2 weeks of 24/7 ahead of us because there’s no school. I know! Just remember to breathe!

  • I’m grateful for a 2 story house. We can be on different floors when we’re really on each others nerves. I’m grateful to friends for offering my son overnighters so I can take a break. I’m grateful to know that as much as he’s annoying me, I’m probably annoying him too. And can act accordingly.

Night all. LOVES

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My week in review

16 Dec

Last night I said I would write more today. Since its Saturday, I can give you a recap of this past week.

Monday we saw my son’s new therapist and talked about how much he missed his dad. And that his dad is being a flake. He’s not come for a visit since September! Wednesday, we saw the psychologist and talked about the same things, except this time, my son realized his dad isn’t coming until after the new year. Yes, he’s going to miss Christmas.

Tuesday night I was supposed to go to my monthly housing committee meeting, but the weather was really nasty and my new stomach was rebellious again. I could handle one or the other, just not both at the same time.

Thursday should have been my 32nd wedding anniversary. But 10 years ago we had to get a divorce to get custody of the kids back from the state. 2 years ago, I found out he never divorced his first wife. That makes OUR marriage null and void. So I have a divorce but no marriage. I spent the day contemplating my past.

Friday was a busy, busy day. After getting my son on the school bus, I met my middle children downtown for breakfast, most of which went into a to go box. Then I realized my doctor’s appointment was actually a half hour earlier than I thought. So I had to reschedule it. My children took me to the mall, where we wandered for a few hours looking at too expensive stuff. A box of cereal was $20! I did accept the hat and gloves they bought me at the convenience store by the bus stop. They came in handy on the way home.

After the mall, I went to the housing authority awards banquet. I was invited because of my volunteer work. I spent the next 4 hours in a room of MANY, MANY people that I didn’t know most of, eating very little of rubbery chicken and fatty roast beef. But I did have an amazing chocolate torte that took me the entire 4 hours to eat EVERY SINGLE BITE.

After the banquet, I picked up some chips and soda for my youngest son’s start of the holiday break while dodging raindrops and trying not to blow away.

By the time I was heading home, I was done. Called my youngest to come meet me at the bus stop. Called my neighbor, told her there was a crock pot of chicken soup on my counter that I would share if she made the noodles. I figured it was the least I could do for throwing up under her bushes.

She came over, finished dinner, fed all of our children, cleaned my kitchen and I went up to bed. I didn’t even hear her leave.

  • I’m grateful that life is like a box of chocolates. Especially when there is real chocolate involved. I’m grateful to my neighbor once again for always being there when I really need her. I’m grateful that I had absolutely nothing to do today but sleep and be lazy. It was so needed. Now for another nap.

Night all. LOVES

Tuesday December 11, 2018

12 Dec

Its cold, wet, and windy tonight. Perfect for curling up with a good book and a blanket. That’s a good thing because my stomach is being rebellious today and I really don’t want to have to go out in it. I really need to get to the store tomorrow to get some supplies.

  • I’m grateful to have walls around me and a roof over my head. Really not a tent on the side of a road night. I’m grateful to cobble together something for us for dinner. Without going out and about. I’m grateful its therapy day in the morning. No getting up early for school.

Night all. LOVES

Its just a day

10 Dec

I’m just NOT today. My new stomach is angry this evening. It didn’t like dinner. Or anything else I’ve fed it today. My mind is not focused on anything. Just sort of wandering from here to there and everywhere. And I don’t dare look for the green eggs and ham. My heart hurts. My aunt passed yesterday morning. And another addict is losing the battle of humanity. My body hurts. Its cold and wet and dreary and it makes my joints ache.

But through it all, I’m still here. I can feel all these things. As long as I can feel, there is hope for tomorrow.

  • I’m grateful for food, even food my new stomach doesn’t like. I’m grateful for shelter from the cold and wet. I’m grateful for my loved ones. They give me strength and support to carry on and to keep moving.

Night all. LOVES

 

Thursday, December 6, 2018

7 Dec

I’m really tired and hurting tonight. So its just gratitude and bedtime.

  • I’m grateful to get to my last pool therapy today. I’m grateful I was only half a popsicle by the time I got home. I’m grateful to be going to bed.

Night all. LOVES

Tuesday December 4, 2018

5 Dec

I paid my rent today. Its the last major bill of the month to pay this month. I set the money aside first, but sometimes it takes me a couple of days to get the money order.

Its nice to know that all my basic needs are taken care of, but its not so nice to know I’m living payday to payday. If something catastrophic happens, I am definitely NOT prepared. I think that’s going to be my goal for the coming year. Figure out a way to be able to set a little aside every month. But it sure is hard to stretch $1000 very far.

  • I’m grateful we have a roof, food, utilities, and our other basic needs taken care of for another month. I’m grateful to get a ride to the store so I didn’t have to ride the bus in the cold. I’m grateful I have an extra blanket for my bed. I’m not quite ready to completely shut my window yet.

Night all. LOVES

Turkey burgers

4 Dec

I decided to expand my diet by using some things that I am already tolerating well. They actually turned out really good. I’ll let you know about any adverse long term effects, if any.

In a large bowl, mix 12 oz of ground turkey, one ounce of pork rinds, ground to a powder, 1 cup of seasoned bread crumbs that were hiding in the cupboard, and a large egg. Add some black pepper, garlic powder and a tablespoon of ranch seasoning powder. I didn’t measure the pepper or garlic powder or add salt because the pork rinds and seasoning already are pretty salty. Mix everything together well. Divide into 8. Form into patties and place on an oiled, foil lined cookie sheet. Makes clean up easier. Bake at 350 of 10 minutes. Flip patties and bake an additional 5 minutes or until internal temperature reads 165.

When I was first entering the ingredients into myfitnesspal to record my numbers for my food diary, I figured on 2 patties per serving. But 2 is too many unless that is all I’m going to eat. I ate just one a little later in the day and it was just right with a piece of cheese and a small pickle. I was worried a bit about the bread crumbs because I really haven’t had any bread/wheat products since surgery, but it seems to be staying in.

  • I’m grateful they turned out so well. I’m grateful to have several meals in the fridge for a future date. I might even decide to freeze a couple to see how well they store. I’m grateful that I was able to wash all my dishes while the patties were in the oven. Woohoo.

Night all. LOVES