Archive | Story RSS feed for this section

We’re having a heat wave

24 Jun

Summer has finally kicked Spring to the curb. “THIS is my time and I’m taking it!” And she’s making up for lost time.

It has been a really wet and drizzly Spring here in Portland. I don’t think it got above 70 more than a small handful of days. She’s just been hanging on. It was raining just last week.

Well Summer just wasn’t having it anymore. We had 70’s the first part of the week and it’s 89 today.

The weather warnings have been zinging across my phone all day. First a heat advisory. Then a heat watch and finally a heat warning. I know I wanted to be a weatherdude, but I always get those terms mixed up. So I looked them up today.

This is what I get from the Weather Channel. ~An Excessive Heat Warning is issued when the heat index value is expected to reach or exceed 110 degrees within the next 12 to 24 hours. An ExcessiveHeat Warning may be issued for lower criteria if it is early in the season or during a multi-day heat wave.

And this from Wikipedia. ~A HEAT ADVISORY MEANS THAT A PERIOD OF HOT TEMPERATURES IS EXPECTED. THE COMBINATION OF HOT TEMPERATURES AND HIGH HUMIDITY WILL COMBINE TO CREATE A SITUATION IN WHICH HEAT ILLNESSES ARE POSSIBLE.

And this too! With all its fancy links. ~An Excessive Heat Watch is issued by the National Weather Service of the United States when the heat index is expected to be greater than 105 °F (41 °C) across the northern states or 110 °F (43 °C) across the southern states during the day, and/or nighttime low temperature will be at least 75 °F (24 °C) or higher for two consecutive days. Note that even with the usual northern/southern criteria, local offices, particularly those with deserts or mountainous terrain, often have their own criteria. High values of the heat index are caused by temperatures being significantly above normal and high humidities, and such high levels can pose a threat to human life through conditions such as heat stroke.

My take on the whole thing is ITS GONNA GET REALLY HOT! Until at least Monday. So this morning I made lots of juice for the fridge. Two different colors of Jell-O. And made sure we have things to eat that don’t require the oven. Although I AM tempted to make some sidewalk cookies. I hope you all are keeping cool wherever you are.

  • I’m grateful to have put curtains up over the blinds in the bedrooms upstairs. It’s keeping it so much cooler up there. I’m grateful to have most of my dishes done so I can hang out in front of the a/c tonight. I’m grateful I have 4 ice trays in the freezer. And somebody will lose an arm if they put one back empty! One ice cube left constitutes empty in my book, by the way.

Night all. LOVES

June 18, 2009.

19 Jun

In the spring of 2009 an interesting thing happened to me. Somebody turned me in to child welfare for using drugs. I found out when a nice lady showed up on my doorstep with cup in hand wanting me to pee in it. She said if I didn’t she had the authority to take my children with her.

Me, being the good addict I was, figured that since I had just did some, it didn’t have time to get to my bladder yet. So I said sure, what have I got to lose. Of course it came back dirty! Addicts have the worst thinking errors. She ended up taking my kids anyway.

And so my journey began. I started with outpatient treatment 3 days a week. But I continued to use on the days I didn’t have to go. And tried so many crazy ways to give a clean sample on the days I did.

The days turned into weeks. And the weeks turned into months. And I couldn’t get more than 15 days in a row. It was so hard. I couldn’t see my kids. The eldest was off doing his own thing and refusing to speak to me. The middle one was on the run from his foster homes and I didn’t know where he was. And I had to have 2 clean samples in a row to see the youngest. The people I was living with didn’t want me to be clean because then they would have to move out. So I was going to Day Treatment up to 4 days a week. And sneaking out of the house to get to meetings.

I remember for my birthday, my dealer showed up at the door with a nice package for my present. She said she missed me. Why is it when you WANT to use, you can NEVER find free dope, but when you DON’T WANT to use, everybody is giving you some?! So I sat on my couch, crying because I was 42, my life sucked, and used every single drop of Meth I had because I didn’t want to waste any by throwing it away.

When I came down, I made myself a promise. I wanted to be done! And I would do what needed to be done to get clean. I went for a walk around the block and sat on the church lawn. And prayed! And cried! And prayed some more! Some gentleman came out and sat with me and we just talked. He told me how much my Heavenly Father lived me and wanted me to come back to church. And if I would keep doing the next right thing, He would help me get it done.

I went to a meeting the next afternoon and I found a sponsor. Her sponsor told her that she needed to be my sponsor before I even asked. She was amazing. I called her every night. And we went to meetings together 3-4 times a week. She helped me with the people living with me. She encouraged me to tell them at treatment to sign me up for inpatient.

The night of June 18th, she took me to a speaker meeting where this really old guy talked about his days as a methhead. And that he got clean. And I saw myself in his story. Because I had used the night before, I was the newest one there. He gave me a signed copy of the book he wrote. I still have it. That’s the last time I used! I got a spot at an inpatient facility and went in on June 30th. I’m still clean today.

It’s NOT easy. Life still sucks. But it’s manageable most of the time. I try every day to keep my Heavenly Father first in all I do. And He helps me keep that day sacred.

As long as I remember my HP and my cleandate, everything else will work out. And that person who turned me in? I tell him I love him and thank you every day.

  • Today, I am SOOO grateful for 8 drug free years. I am grateful that a stranger told me that my Heavenly Father still loved me even after everything I had done. I am grateful that I was someone else’s ‘sponsor homework’.

Night all. LOVES

 

Dream stories

4 Mar

*I started this post way early this morning around 4 am when I woke up from this dream. I started writing so I wouldn’t forget. Then finished the gratitude part this evening.*

Just woke up to a really interesting dream. We (me and lots of people I know) were at an amusement complex. There was all sorts of things to do. The night we were there, this woman I didn’t know we’ll decided she wanted the property and was willing to force us off. So they were shooting fireworks at us. Now my side decided we were going to protect our turf and fight back. And keep all the kids safe. So we started developing plan to accomplish this. I knew that the woman was going to actually hurt or kill us because that would cause an investigation and tie up bureaucracy for years and she wouldn’t be able to develop the property. So WE had the advantage. We also weren’t afraid to hurt, maim or kill her side because we would LOVE to have as many investigations and red tape as possible. We set up a plan. We had all the attractions and games and concession stands. We had weapons. We just needed to get one person out to get to the authorities.

So we proceeded to fight. And I noticed that my idea of her not wanting to actually hurt us was correct. All their shots were overhead or deliberately wide. I knew right then and there that we would win.

So we had fought our way to the fence line. And we were working on a way to get someone out without being seen. Because while she wouldn’t hurt us, she would detain us and terrorize us into giving up, volunteering to leave peacefully so she could start her development.

We were just about to send our adventurer off to the authorities when we saw her and her judgment come to the little park were we were to reload and regroup Because they hadn’t expected resistance.

We worked on getting our person out past the bad guys and we didn’t notice that all the kids saw her. And they walked over to where she was. They just wanted to see what she was doing. The kids aggravated her so much, that she started to shake the little girl. I walked up to her with my hands up so she would know that I wasn’t going to hurt her and ask for the little girl. I said I would make sure she got out of the way and wouldn’t be a bother anymore.

I then told the lady that there was no way she could win. If she hurt or killed one of us, she would never get the property developed because of litigation and red tape. And I told her that we would never give up fighting for what we felt was right. And that we didn’t care if we hurt or maimed one of her flunkies. She just hung her head in defeat and started to walk off.

AND THEN I WOKE UP!!! How messed up is that? I got right to the end of the conflict and I didn’t get to enjoy the victory. So NOT fair. And not a very well thought out dream either. Maybe I just didn’t remember it well when I woke up? Maybe I’ll get to celebrate tonight? Have to wait and see.

  • I’m grateful to remember even a part if my dream long enough to write it down. I usually don’t. Grateful to hang with my grandson, Flynn today. Grateful to get half of what was owed to me. More bills to be paid!

Night all. LOVES

What if?

10 Feb

Today is a story day. Wish me luck.

Once I had a friend who was dying from cancer. It was getting very near the end. He was wanting to quit with the treatment that wasn’t working anyway. His partner kept telling him, “But, if you loved me, you would fight to stay with me.” One day, during one of their disagreements, an elderly woman stepped up and said, “Forgive me for butting in here. I’m going to add my two cents to the argument.” she looked at one and asks why won’t you let him go. The partner said she was afraid to be left behind. She asked the other why he didn’t want to fight. And he said that he was tired of fighting a losing battle and he wanted to enjoy what time they had left.  The elderly woman agreed both were good arguments.”Why not for today, switch sides.” she said. 

So the next day, the man came up with reasons to stay and fight. And his partner came up with reasons to quit fighting treatment. 

When they saw the lady again, she asked how it was going. They told her that they were not arguing anymore because they had seen how difficult the decisions each had been taking and realized it wasn’t as easy as it had seemed before. 

The lady told them that she was happy that they had figured it out. There are always two sides to every argument and you need to see both sides to be an effective advocate for either. That’s why the best debaters learned arguments for both sides of the issue.

The moral of the story is the other side may be just as right as you are. You could also be just as wrong as they are.

  • Today I’m grateful for the ability to see there isn’t always one simple solution to a problem. I’m grateful to be willing to find other solutions. I’m grateful for empathy.

Night all. LOVES