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Is it?

14 Dec

I had a thought-provoking question come up today. Is it still an anniversary if you’re no longer married? How can you celebrate a wedding so long ago if you’re divorced.

My thoughts on the subject are, “I can celebrate anything I want as an anniversary. PERIOD.” Its my life and my things I want to remember.

Today I want to remember that 32 years ago, I married my best friend. We are STILL best friends even though there isn’t a marriage anymore. Or even live in the same state. I want to celebrate a period in my life where I made a life-changing decision that I was very proud to make.

  • I’m grateful today to remember the good times in my past. I’m grateful to find the positive in my present. I’m grateful to be hopeful for my future.

Night all. LOVES

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Its just a day

10 Dec

I’m just NOT today. My new stomach is angry this evening. It didn’t like dinner. Or anything else I’ve fed it today. My mind is not focused on anything. Just sort of wandering from here to there and everywhere. And I don’t dare look for the green eggs and ham. My heart hurts. My aunt passed yesterday morning. And another addict is losing the battle of humanity. My body hurts. Its cold and wet and dreary and it makes my joints ache.

But through it all, I’m still here. I can feel all these things. As long as I can feel, there is hope for tomorrow.

  • I’m grateful for food, even food my new stomach doesn’t like. I’m grateful for shelter from the cold and wet. I’m grateful for my loved ones. They give me strength and support to carry on and to keep moving.

Night all. LOVES

 

December 7, 2018

8 Dec

My entire life I woke up to someone saying, “It’s December 7th. A day which will live in infamy.” This is the day WW2 started for the United States. I remember visiting with my grandparents and hearing stories from and about the war.

The presidential funeral this week brings it into focus that not many who were old enough to remember the war, let alone fight in it are still around. Who will tell the stories of the war to the next generation? I wish I had paid attention and listened better. I am a poor substitute. But I can only do my best.

  • I’m grateful for the stories of my ancestors. I’m grateful for the lessons they have taught me. I’m grateful I still have time to learn and share with my descendents.

Night all. LOVES

So annoyed

6 Dec

My son gets disability payments. Part of the plan is that at least every 3 months I’m supposed to meet with someone from the county disability office about his goals. So far I’ve met his current caseworker exactly NEVER! He’s been the caseworker since my son was a sophomore. Some assistant did the paperwork meeting the last 2 years.

This year, someone from the county came to do a recertification and asked how we got along with the caseworker. She was VERY disturbed when I told her I have never met him.

A little less than a week after she was here, I get a phone call from the caseworker wanting to meet. I cleared and rearranged my schedule for him. The morning of the appointment, he calls to cancel. Some sort of medical thing. It’s a good thing we were to meet at my house because it was about 2 hours before the appointment. I would have already been on my way.

We rescheduled for this afternoon. About 45 minutes before our meeting he calls to cancel again. This time his child is sick. That family seems to be having a tough couple of months medically.

I think I probably wouldn’t be as annoyed as I am if I didn’t know he only trying to not get in trouble with his boss. I realize that things come up. I really understand! But at the moment, its a good thing he didn’t call back like he was supposed to. Just breathe! I’ll be less annoyed tomorrow.

  • I’m grateful this appointment was set at the house. If I had to go out in the cold and then have it cancelled I probably wouldn’t be as understanding as I am. I’m grateful that my house is clean enough for people to come by. I’m grateful I can work on letting it go. I’m nowhere near as angry now as I was earlier.

Night all. LOVES

Food questions

2 Dec

I’m sitting here thinking about food. I really should eat soon. If I really want it? Or do I need to drink more water? I have to feed my child. I don’t really want to cook. I don’t really want to spend the money for delivery. I don’t want to go anywhere. Could he have a bowl of cereal? Or ramen? Maybe just a protein shake? Who knows?

Since I started on this weight loss journey, food has lost its appeal. I have to eat because it’s fuel. But I really don’t want to. And since surgery, its even more important to keep eating when I’m supposed to.

But nothing tempts me that won’t mess with my new stomach. Why go through the time and energy to cook, or the expense for delivery if I’m just going to throw it up soon?

I have stuff in the house. But its the same stuff I’ve been eating. I don’t want another can of tuna. Or some ground turkey. Or even yogurt. I want some macaroni and cheese. Or a bowl of cereal. But if I eat that, I’ll have an angry stomach for the rest of the night.

Maybe its time to visit my therapist/doctor. I’m prone to apathy and depression this time of year. Maybe that’s why I’m focusing on what to eat. Because I can try to control THAT.

  • I’m grateful that I have food in the house. Even if I don’t want to eat it. We won’t starve. I’m grateful its payday so if I decide to order something, I can. I’m grateful that I’m able to get out and about so if we want, we can go out to eat.

Night all. LOVES

Friday, November 30, 2018

1 Dec

It’s the last Friday of November and the last day too. Now that no-shave November is over, I shaved my chin this morning. I think that is one of the most annoying things ever as a woman. My chin whiskers have better coverage than some men I know. I’ve tried waxing and creams. I usually get blisters. So I just shave.

  • I’m grateful its Friday. I can let my child fend for himself for dinner tonight. He can stay up late tonight. I’m grateful I didn’t get razor burn today. I’m grateful tomorrow is payday. I think we’ll eat fast food. At least he will.

Night all. LOVES

Thursday, November 29, 2018

30 Nov

Just not feeling it today. Mentally, physically and emotionally, I’m just tired of it all. So I’ll post my gratitude and go back to bed.

  • I’m grateful for clean sheets. They make my bed feel fresh and clean. I’m grateful for soft, warm blankets to keep me cozy and warm. I’m grateful my window is open to bring fresh air into my life.

Night all. LOVES