Archive | Mental health RSS feed for this section

Water aerobics, part 2

24 May

Today was my second class and I was much better prepared. I’m still tired after, but I’m not as exhausted. Its more of a ‘happy I did a good job’ tired and less of a ‘what in the heck have I done’ tired.

I talked to the physical therapist before the class and she feels I was a bit too gung-ho last week. She wanted me to take it down a notch this week and see how I do over the weekend. Maybe I won’t be as sore as last week. She also told me not to do my 10 minute walk this afternoon because she feels it would be too much in one day. I’ll do it in the morning before it gets warm.

  • I’m grateful I went today. I thought about ditching this week. I’m grateful to run into people I know on the buses today. Friendly faces are always good. I’m grateful my exercise day is over. It’s nice to sit here reading and relaxing.

Night all. LOVES


Almost impossible

22 May

I went to the doctor again today for a check up. Good news- I’m down another 7 pounds this month, for a total of 42 since the first of the year. Bad news- I have a rash on my hand that doesn’t seem to be getting better. I’ve had it on different parts of my hand for over a year! The doctor’s advice? Quit washing my hands so much. I need to quit getting them wet.

I just looked at him like he was crazy! How in the heck am I supposed to NOT wash my hands? Am I supposed to never cook or do the dishes? Clean house? What about showering? Using the toilet? A whole host of other things that are daily occurrences where your hands get wet.

How can someone be allergic to water?¬†And why is it only on one hand and not both? Or anywhere else on my body? I’m very frustrated at the moment. I need to do something to change this! SOON! It’s become unbearably painful and itchy. He says it’s not contagious, that’s why it hasn’t spread elsewhere on my body, but I’m still afraid to touch anyone or shake hands. I’m just at a loss at the moment.

  • I’m grateful to still be losing weight. It’s an amazing feeling to not be afraid of the scale anymore. I’m grateful to get a 10 minute walk around the courtyard with my neighbor. It’s a sense of accomplishment. I’m grateful to still be determined to see this through. One step at a time.

Night all. LOVES

Recovery celebrations

20 May

A very good friend celebrated 10 years clean tonight. It was worth it to spend almost 2 hours on public transportation to be there to wish her happy birthday. I saw so many of the people I first got clean with. It felt like a family reunion. We all went out to dinner after. By the end of the evening, my peopling skills were about done and my anxiety was starting to leak out. I’m finally getting into bed at 11pm. But I probably won’t fall asleep for a little while yet. I need to let my anxiety meds start to work.

  • I’m grateful I didn’t talk myself out of going by complaining it was too far away. I’m grateful someone bought me a yummy salad for dinner. I’m grateful to finally be home. I only jumped at shadows once or twice.

Night all. LOVES


19 May

I made it to a 12-step meeting tonight. It has been far too long since I’ve been in the rooms. The first thing someone asked me when I started complaining about how miserable I felt was, “When was the last time you made a meeting?” It just reminded me that I really need to keep my recovery first so that everything else has a chance to succeed because if I’m not sober, I can’t be anything else either. So I guess the solution to my misery is to figure out how to fit going to meetings back into my schedule if I want to keep this 8 years & 11 months today.

  • I’m grateful to get on the bus tonight. Even late is okay as long as I get there. I’m grateful to get to leave some of my worries in the middle of the room. I feel so much lighter. I’m grateful to still be accepted into the rooms even if I’ve been away for a while.

Night all. LOVES

Water aerobics

18 May

I started water aerobics physical therapy this afternoon. It was way harder than I thought it would be. I mean how hard is it to hang out in a pool for an hour? I definitely had no idea what to expect.

The water does make it easier to move, but it also provides resistance. That makes even the simplest of exercises way more difficult. All the exercises are ones I already should be doing. I realize now that I haven’t been giving exercise the attention I should be. I spent most of the hour just trying to stand up. My balance sucks. Have you ever tried to stand on one foot in a pool? I can’t even do it on dry land.

The takeaway from today? I need to do my exercises more consistently. I need to keep going every week. And I need to have an after-plan. I’m so exhausted, irritable and grumpy. With myself and everyone else.

  • I’m grateful I made it to my appointment. I’m grateful the mix up at the check-in desk didn’t mean I missed the session. I’m grateful I’ve learned to apologize quickly when I’m grumpy to others. Now to work on not coming out sideways when I’m stressed.

Night all. LOVES



16 May

I had so many visitors today, for a minute there, I thought I was in Grand Central Station. It’s nice to know there are so many people thinking about me and how I’m doing. Several of them are people I haven’t seen in a while. Others are some that I see more regularly.

  • I’m grateful for all the people I talked to today. It’s good to know I’m thought of. I’m grateful that it doesn’t phase me to have someone show up on my doorstep with a UA cup to fill. I’m grateful to have someone agree to do my yearly maintenance on my fans so they will run smoothly for another season.

Night all. LOVES

Outdoor pasta salad

15 May

I made a pasta salad for our potluck yesterday. I wasn’t planning on going, but I made it anyway. I figured the neighbors would like it and I could stay inside and hide. The heat and I are not friends.

But because it was hot outside, I didn’t want to make a normal macaroni salad because of the mayonnaise in it. So I made a Mexican inspired pasta salad.

In a large bowl, mix cans of black beans, white beans and corn. Mainly because that’s what I had. I’ve also used whatever the scratched and dented can store has on sale. I know I’m not the only one who shops there. I rinsed the beans and corn and drained them, then set aside.

I cut up a medium onion in smallish dice and put that in the bowl. I also added about a cup of celery, sliced thin. Then I poured a jar of your favorite salsa over everything. We usually use the one that’s not from New York City, as the old commercial used to say.

Then I added a half a pound of elbow macaroni, cooked to just before al dente. You want the pasta to be able to soak up the soupy vegetable mixture.

I’ve also chopped up olives and shredded some cheese and added to it in the past. But I didn’t have any yesterday. The entire thing came out of my food storage.

Season to taste with seasoned salt, pepper, garlic powder, sriracha, and a little bit of dehydrated onion. Mix well again. Cover with plastic wrap and store in the refrigerator until you can hand it out the door to the neighbor while you make excuses of why you can’t go outside right now.

Most of my kids like it with tortilla chips. Then they don’t need to find clean silverware to eat it.

  • I’m grateful my neighbor didn’t like my excuses. I sat in the shade with the babies. I’m grateful to not need to cook dinner last night. I’m grateful to ship the leftovers to the kid’s house so I don’t need to try not to eat them.

Night all. LOVES