Archive | November, 2017

Dentist thoughts

30 Nov

Had another dentist appointment today. They took a bunch of x-rays and did some deep cleaning. They are doing the cleaning in quadrants. Today was bottom right. Top right is next month. It wasn’t too bad after they numbed it. It just took lots to get it numb.

Can a person be less susceptible to painkillers and anesthesia? Because I always seem to need more than they expect. I don’t do it on purpose, but it’s hard to not flinch when the tooth power washer hits a tender spot.

The dentist also talked about what he wants to do in the future after the cleaning is done. He wants to pull my remaining top front teeth and fit me for a partial. And for it to fit correctly, he will need to file down some of my lower front teeth. And I can’t be put to sleep to do all this because he isn’t an oral surgeon.

I’m scared! I think I’m more scared about this than talking about the weight loss surgery. I don’t have to say yes yet, but he thinks the top teeth will fall out anyway within a couple of years. And he doesn’t want me to get too much bone loss or the partial won’t fit right. I have lots to think about.

  • I’m grateful I made it to the dentist today. I seriously thought about cancelling it. I’m grateful to see my middle child tonight. He came to dinner. I’m grateful I had a bunch of chicken in the freezer. I should have enough leftovers for chicken quesadillas for dinner tomorrow night.

Night all. LOVES

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Projects

29 Nov

I started with the winterizing of my downstairs today. I figured since I wasn’t sleeping, I might as well do something constructive.

I always have a sheet over the doorway of the stairs because it keeps the hot air downstairs and the cool air upstairs. But today I added the sheet over the front door as well. There is weatherstripping on it but it’s still really cold right next to it. The sheet helps with that. I also put a blanket up over the air conditioner window. It’s easier the weatherize it than to get maintenance to take it out or put it in when I want it done. They usually do it when they get around to it. So I just leave it in.

I used to put a rice filled pillowcase across the bottom of the front door to help with the drafts, but last spring the sheet lost about 6 inches of length off the bottom so it’s a couple of inches short this year. So now I’m making a door snake.

I took another old sheet, (They are cheaper than buying new fabric.) and cut a strip 8 inches wide and 7 feet long from it. Fold it in half so it’s 3 1/2 feet long and sew the edges together. Hand sewing takes forever. I should have it finished tomorrow unless it’s another sleepless night. I really wish the person who took my sewing machine to fix it hadn’t misplaced it. Then turn it right side out and stuff it with batting. Sew the end shut and then I’ll have a door snake.

  • I’m grateful to my grandmother and mother for teaching me to sew when I was a kid. I’m grateful to find something constructive to do with all this extra energy I have at the moment. I’m grateful that I’ve learned to be resourceful to make things I need.

Night all. LOVES

Forgetfulness

28 Nov

I’ve been so forgetful lately. I’m forgetting appointments again. And getting things done that need to be done. Maybe it’s not forgetting as much as getting so focused on something that all other things don’t have importance anymore. And it’s discouraging and annoying.

  • I’m grateful to be going to see my mental health doctor and therapist tomorrow. Maybe my meds need to be tweaked a bit. I’m grateful I remembered to write today. I almost didn’t. I’m grateful to be so tired tonight that I don’t think I need to worry about forgetting to sleep again. Like the last two nights.

Night all. LOVES

His safe person

27 Nov

My son went to his dad’s for Thanksgiving and he came home this morning. I’m really glad he’s home but he could have left the attitude there.

Then someone reminded me that he has a bad attitude when he gets home because he feels safe enough to let all those bottled up emotions out. I know he gets frustrated there. It’s a huge stress household. They stress me out and they’re only here a little bit most of the time.

  • I’m grateful that I went to treatment when I did so that I can be his safe person today. I’m grateful that every bad attitude is followed by the good one. He can’t be angry forever. I’m grateful it only took five hours this time for him to start talking to me again. Makes me smile.

Night all. LOVES

Subscriptions

25 Nov

Once upon a time I was getting every subscription I could find. I had magazines, books, music, and food of the month. I even had a razor blade subscription. I thought it was so cool to get that stuff delivered to my door every month. Until I added up how much it all cost. I was spending enough on them to pay my lights AND my gas bill. And the thing of it was, I wasn’t even using most of it!

I never had time or the inclination to read all the magazines. They just sat in a box waiting until it was full enough to give away. Most of the book subscriptions were for books I didn’t like to read much anyway. And THEY were being boxed up to give away too. I don’t own a music player anymore so I don’t need to get it in the mail. The food subscriptions were terrible for my diet. I’d eat everything the first day or two and then think I needed to order more so I would have enough for the rest of the month. The razor blades weren’t being used often enough either. I don’t shave my legs much because it’s gotten too difficult to reach my toes.

So I slowly quit renewing everything. I called and cancelled them all. And it’s taken almost a year to let the prepaid ones wear out. I’m down to the last month of one and the last one of the other will be January. It’s so nice to finally be out from under all the stress of needing to figure out how to pay for everything and then get rid of it once it got here.

But I still have a couple of subscriptions left that I don’t plan on letting lapse. One is for Netflix. My child can’t live without his Netflix. We have shut off Hulu because we just weren’t using it. And I get YouTube Red because I don’t like commercials during my playlists. And I pay half of an Amazon Prime account because FREE SHIPPING rocks!

  • I’m grateful to have gotten out from under all that stuff I thought I needed to be a grown up. I’m grateful I’ve become grown up enough to know what’s really important. I’m grateful to not have less boxes of unneeded stuff and stress stacked around the house. Now to get rid if the rest. Progress not perfection.

Night all. LOVES

Black Friday

25 Nov

The earliest rumors about Black Friday is that after today merchants could count all the money coming in between now and the end of the year as profit.

I think of black Friday as the first weekend between now and Christmas to stay out of the stores. Seriously, just don’t go. Don’t leave your house to go anywhere where people congregate. It’s a madhouse.

Take today in Portland Oregon. Downtown they have close to a hundred thousand people crammed into a maybe 2 block area. It’s a place to get close to your friends and family and even closer to complete strangers while it’s cold, wet, and rainy. Just what I want to do the day after pretending I’m a turkey and stuffing myself until I can’t move.

Store owners love people. Tons of people. So many people that they don’t want to browse through the store. No. It’s get in, get out, and on to the next one. I know when I worked for the carnival, I liked it that way. Just move them through the line and shove the money in the drawer under the counter. The faster the better.

Now, all that chaos just makes me shiver with dread because I know that sometime between now and Christmas I’m going to have to go out into it and join the masses. There’s groceries to get and gifts for the children in my life. On second thought, I’ll just pay my kid’s Amazon prime account and wait for FED EX and the UPS truck.

  • I’m grateful to the peace and tranquility surrounding me at the moment. Yeppers, I AM here all alone. I’m grateful that online shopping is a thing. Although I really miss laying on the floor looking at the Sears and Montgomery Ward catalog. But that’s a topic for another day. I’m grateful I don’t have to be out selling corn dogs, cotton candy, and elephant ears to anybody tonight.

Night all. LOVES

Thanksgiving

24 Nov

This is my 8th clean and sober Thanksgiving. And every year I am so grateful for all the many things I’ve been blessed with.

This year none of my kids made it home, but I’m okay with that because it means they have so many other people in their lives who live them. And the can’t be everywhere.

But I decided to borrow one from the neighbor for the evening. His parents think it is because I’m being nice while the go Black Friday Shopping. They don’t want to take him. Can’t imagine why they would want to take a 5 year old shopping. Don’t tell them I took him because I didn’t want to go Black Friday Shopping. He’s my excuse to stay out of the stores.

  • I’m grateful to have a fridge full of leftovers that came with the child. I’m grateful to have little feet wandering my house trying to listen to me tell him “Don’t touch that”. I’m grateful for another year of being clean and sober for a holiday.

Happy Thanksgiving all. LOVES