Archive | June, 2017

A week and a half

30 Jun

My son and his other family left this morning. At o’dark thirty! Why do vacation trips always start at 4am? It means I’m really tired today! It also means I have the next week and a half to myself!

I plan on getting in some meetings, cleaning house, and getting lots of sleep!

Do you ever really “catch up” on lost sleep? Isn’t it like lost and wasted time? Once it’s gone, it’s gone forever. I’m not sure, but I’m going to be doing plenty of research on the subject.

I’m also going to work on my house and keep decluttering and cleaning. My housing inspection is in less than a month. And somebody had to remind me that there will be an inspection BEFORE the inspection so everything that’s been let slide for the last year can be fixed. Sigh! At least it will be easier to throw stuff out without my son “rescuing” it. As long as I don’t either.

  • I’m grateful that they got off safely this morning. They should be close to being there. I’m grateful to get some time to be responsible for just me. Although it’s really quiet and I miss him already. I’m grateful for the nap I’m about to take so I can stay awake to go to a meeting tonight. At least it’s on my to-do list.

Night all. LOVES


Things we do for family

30 Jun

My youngest son’s father and his family is coming to spend the night tonight. They are leaving early in the morning to drive to Spokane Washington. I’m a little apprehensive about it.

I’m not worried about them spending the night. They’ve done that before. It’s stressful but no more so than if anyone else is staying over.

No the thing I’m worried about is the trip. Because of our past history, his dad and I haven’t always been friendly. There were times that we were downright hostile to each other. I hope we’ve gotten past that and are becoming good coparents. But I still worry. I worry because there have been times in our past when his father has threatened to take my child and never bring him home. I know he isn’t going to kidnap him this time, but because of our history, there IS that doubt.

The other thing about this trip that has me worried is what they are going to be doing. His dad is taking his mother’s ashes home to put her to rest. And to see her mother one more time before she is gone.

I haven’t told my son everything that is going to happen because I think it will be good for him to go. And if he knows, he will throw a fit about going. His grandmother had been gone for a year and he’s just starting to be able to talk about her without crying.

Am I throwing my kid under the bus? Should I tell him everything that might happen while he’s with his dad?

I’m not going because that woman was NOT my most favorite of people. In fact, I’d say we were enemies up until the last month or two of her life.

So I have all this stuff running circles around my head and every time I try to grab it to stop it, it just slides out of the way. But I’ll get through this because I need to be there to support my child and his father as they do this really hard thing. Just like he supported me when I went home to bury my mom a few years before.

  • I’m grateful I remember to breathe whenever life gets difficult. I’m grateful that my child’s father and I aren’t rivals for my son’s affections anymore. I’m grateful that even when my head is telling me one thing, I can still listen to my heart and do the right thing.

Night all. LOVES

Finding topics

29 Jun

I’ve been doing this for a little over 6 months now and it’s different that just writing a few sentences on a Facebook post. I have to pick a topic every day. And a title. And hopefully the topic and the title are compatible. And I don’t want to be repetitive with either. The whole idea of a gratitude list is to remind me to be grateful of everything. The big things and the little things. Maybe especially the little things.

Like today. My child went on the Tram today even when he was scared because we would be late to go back around to catch the bus.

We were able to have a really nice day because I had saved money for it all month. It made some of those pb&j sandwiches worth it. Although there ain’t nothing wrong with pb&j! We had enough for breakfast and lunch and a surprise.

Portland has an awesome transportation system. There are buses, light rail, street cars, and the Tram to get you around the city. I was able to catch a bus, go one stop to the transit center, walk across the street to get the bus going the way I wanted. All because my feet hurt and I was too tired to walk 3 blocks uphill to get the other bus stop.

I get to sit here listening to a playlist I made on YouTube while I write.

My child is perfectly fine with fend for yourself nights after a long, tiring day.

Those are just some of the things I noticed today as we went about our business that I wanted to write about. What are you grateful for today?

  • Today, I’m grateful that we stopped to notice a beautiful  moth walking across the sidewalk. Have no idea why? I’m grateful the weather wasn’t extremely hot. I actually wore a jacket most of the morning. I’m grateful to come home and get in the shower with hot and cold running clean water because I was stinky and sticky after all our adventures today.

Night all. LOVES

Craving meatloaf

28 Jun

So what do you do when you’re craving meatloaf during the hottest week of the year? You improvise. And use an electric skillet. And  I used what was in the cupboard because it’s the last week of the month.

I used a pound each of hamburger and pork sausage, 2 tablespoons of chopped garlic (from a jar), about a tablespoon or two of dehydrated onions (the child will eat THEM, but not regular onions! Go figure!), a big squeeze of sriracha, salt, pepper, and garlic powder (Don’t measure them, I just sprinkled until it looked like enough). Add a  couple of handfuls of oatmeal, a couple of squeezes of ketchup, an egg, and a splash of milk to make it all hold together. Mix it all together and pat it into an electric skillet drizzled with oil, in a big circle, not touching the sides, and about 2 inches thick. Cover and set at 300. Cook for about 40 minutes, carefully turn over, mine broke into pieces, and cook on the other side for 20 minutes or until done. I don’t have a thermometer, so I just was looking for no more pink in the middle.

I served it with instant potatoes and gravy (child’s favorite),and canned corn (again the child’s favorite).

Bonus recipe ~ take 3 bananas, a package of vanilla pudding, a tablespoon of vanilla, some hot cocoa mix (don’t have chocolate pudding mix or cocoa powder), and the milk the pudding asks for. Place in a blender for about a minute and pour into serving bowls. Place in fridge until ready to serve.

  • Today I’m grateful to Google for giving me ideas for making meatloaf in my electric skillet successfully. I’m grateful that my child actually tasted the meatloaf tonight. Didn’t eat it, but he tasted it. I’ll take that as a win. I’m grateful that I was able to make a yummy dinner without heating up the entire house.

Night all. LOVES

Cleaning tornadoes

27 Jun

The other day when my friend moved, she left me a cabinet to use as a pantry. It’s about 4 feet high by 3 feet wide and about 18 inches deep. It has 3 shelves on one side and 2 on the other. She says she didn’t want to move it.

I have been using my table for pantry storage since I moved in. It’s a huge 4×6 foot oak? table. Takes up all but a walkway on one side of my dining room. I want it gone! But if it went away, where would I put the crap that’s on, under and around it? That’s why my friend gifted my the cabinet.

So today I spent part of the day cleaning off the table and putting stuff away in the cabinet. It’s looking great!

But in between the table and the cabinet is this area that has all the other junk that needs to be taken care of. You know you don’t put things away when you have a flat spit to put them on. I had paper bags, cardboard boxes, groceries I forgot I had because I couldn’t see them. Then there were empty cans the children left, because why turn around to the recycling bin when you can set it on the table?

So now my dining room and kitchen floor looks like a tornado went through. I haven’t yet figured out a way to sort/clean/put away stuff without leaving a pile of other stuff left behind. Am I the only one who does this?

I realize I am a hoarder. But I’m trying to decluttering and clean out my house. It’s just so hard when you seem to make it worse before it gets better.

  • I’m grateful to have a cabinet instead of a table top to store things. I’m grateful to have most of the hard work done. I’m grateful that I’m committed to continue decluttering and downsizing my house and life.

Night all. LOVES

Genealogy is cool!

26 Jun

First thing every morning, I check my email. Mostly to throw everything into the trash file. I think 95% of my email is junk. But every once in a while, something cool comes along.

Today? It was something about my grandpa’s grandpa! His name was Thomas Callister, and he was born in the Isle of Mann. He was a member of the first wagon train of 1847 to enter the Salt Lake valley. He brought his two wives and baby daughter with him. He went on a mission to England when he was 54, leaving his wives and children in Millard Utah for the year he was gone. My grandmother was his third wife and THEY had 12 kids. I still need to find out how many kids he had all together.

I just think it is so cool to see this information. There was even a picture. He looks like my Dad! I can’t wait to do more exploring to find out more of my ancestors lives and travels.

  • I’m grateful to see how I came to be here. I’m grateful that signed up for this site a couple of years ago when I was bored. I’m grateful that I get to start in the middle of doing all this work. It’s just never-ending!

Night all. LOVES

My Best Friend

24 Jun

My best friend moved today. She was the first person to welcome me into my new home. The very first home that was mine since I got clean. Before I had lived in treatment and halfway houses. Man, I was scared. I was so afraid I would mess up now that I was on my own. But she just said welcome, now you’re home. And you CAN do this. She’s been there through thick and thin. Dating, breaking up, being lonely and deciding I’m okay the way I am. She listened to my late night calls when I had bad dreams. She was there for me when I lost my Mom and I was there for her when she lost hers.  I took pictures of her butt so she would know the pants didn’t make her look fat. OK, I’m not certain THAT was the reason, but it’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Friends do that for each other. She was there to gossip with and commiserate with when someone pissed us off. She was the go to person for my son if I wasn’t home. She was my responsible adult on school forms and I was hers.

I remember one time when my kids were off to their other families for a holiday and instead of letting me sit home feeling sorry for myself, she brought me to her house and fed me her Mom’s hot turkey sandwiches while we watched some movies.

I helped her pack her moving truck today and then I left because I didn’t want anyone to see me cry. I’m going to miss her. She won’t be there to let me in when I really need to vent, cry, or just be ridiculously happy and silly.

Good luck in your new adventures. May the Creator keep you well and happy. I’ll be sending up sage smoke for you tonight.

  • I’m so grateful that you were there the first day I got here and every day since. I’m grateful that I was able to learn to be strong in my recovery from you. I’m grateful that I’ve decided I can let you go on your next adventure without me. I guess that means I’m growing up.

Night all. LOVES