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Almost impossible

22 May

I went to the doctor again today for a check up. Good news- I’m down another 7 pounds this month, for a total of 42 since the first of the year. Bad news- I have a rash on my hand that doesn’t seem to be getting better. I’ve had it on different parts of my hand for over a year! The doctor’s advice? Quit washing my hands so much. I need to quit getting them wet.

I just looked at him like he was crazy! How in the heck am I supposed to NOT wash my hands? Am I supposed to never cook or do the dishes? Clean house? What about showering? Using the toilet? A whole host of other things that are daily occurrences where your hands get wet.

How can someone be allergic to water? And why is it only on one hand and not both? Or anywhere else on my body? I’m very frustrated at the moment. I need to do something to change this! SOON! It’s become unbearably painful and itchy. He says it’s not contagious, that’s why it hasn’t spread elsewhere on my body, but I’m still afraid to touch anyone or shake hands. I’m just at a loss at the moment.

  • I’m grateful to still be losing weight. It’s an amazing feeling to not be afraid of the scale anymore. I’m grateful to get a 10 minute walk around the courtyard with my neighbor. It’s a sense of accomplishment. I’m grateful to still be determined to see this through. One step at a time.

Night all. LOVES


Just a touch annoying

6 Apr

I have a rant going today. I read that Chuck-E-Cheese is going to start having autism-friendly hours. Sounds great, right? It’s going to be before their regular hours on Sunday morning! I don’t know about you, but Chuck-E-Cheese pizza is NOT high on my list of Sunday breakfast items. Why does it have to be on Sunday anyway? Or BEFORE their regular hours? Why can’t they decide to do it on an evening? I can understand not on a weekend night, but during the week?

We miss out on several opportunities for social activities with the special needs community because of when they schedule them. Most are on Sunday and usually in the morning. I have a prior commitment on Sunday mornings. And every other weekend, my son is supposed to be with his father. Even if his father decides he’s not coming, it’s usually a last minute thing and we can’t plan for something else.

If the event isn’t scheduled for Sunday mornings, they are scheduled for late evenings. If something gets over at 8pm, after bus travel time and getting ready for bed, he’s not asleep until after 10. That’s way too late on a school night.

I suppose I’m just making a mountain out of a mole hill, but I am annoyed. Just need to remember to breathe. And that we don’t like Chuck-E-Cheese anyway.

  • I’m grateful for the opportunities we do have. I’m grateful that pizza isn’t on my diet. I’m grateful I didn’t tell him about this new thing that we won’t be going to.

Night all. LOVES

Whining today

26 Mar

I didn’t sleep well last night. I had nightmares and strange dreams. And I woke up with a sore stomach. Not an upset stomach, but a hurt stomach. I have a huge bruise and it’s all swollen where I did my shot this week.

I didn’t make it to church this morning because I hurt too much to get up. And I fell back asleep as soon as I turned off the alarm. I can’t find anything to watch online. I can’t seem to get into my book. And I can’t seem to find another one that interests me. I’m cold and can’t get warm. The sun is shining but I’m having a rainy day attitude.

I’m craving a bowl of Cheerios or a waffle with a ton of butter and syrup. I don’t want to cook. I don’t want to cut up veggies. I’m tired of counting carbs, fats, and proteins. And whether or not I’m getting enough or too much.

I’m just grumpy and annoyed at life today. I want to just go back to bed and start the day over, but I’m not tired enough to be ready to go to sleep.

  • I’m grateful to be able to have a place for my whining without going off on others. You all can quit reading if I am annoying you. I’m grateful to have food I don’t want to make. Last week I was hungry. I’m grateful to know that as grumpy as I feel right now, I know that I will turn a corner and not be so grumpy in the future.

Night all. LOVES

Failing at acceptance?

25 Jan

This is a rant, pure and simple! My son went to his father’s for the weekend last Friday. Here it is Wednesday, AND HE STILL ISN’T HOME! And now I can’t reach them by phone. I’m annoyed and so angry. And there doesn’t seem to be an easy way to solve the problem.

I can’t call the police because the county I’m in won’t do anything without a court order of custodial interference. I’m working on THAT  tomorrow morning. And the county where he is won’t do anything unless I show up there with the custody order in hand.

And that’s where my other problem comes in. I’m broke! I paid all of this month’s bills and part of last month’s bills this month because of Christmas. Yes, I know I shouldn’t have done it, but hindsight is 20/20. And I don’t have a car anyway. Trying to find someone up to a day long trip to the middle of nowhere in the middle of the state that they would have to do out of the kindness of their heart with a definite possibility of drama, anger, and what-have-you at the other end just seems impossible.

I feel so helpless right now. And I feel like I should have known better. You know when you pray for patience, you will usually have something happen that really tests your patience? Well I have been praying for acceptance. And now I have some big time practicing of acceptance going on right here. I know I am still praying for help at the moment though. And to remember to breathe!

  • I’m grateful to all the people who have let me rant today. And offered suggestions. I’m that u can go to the courthouse early in the morning to work in solving this. I’m grateful that during last weeks purge, I found all of my latest custody and court papers. So I could find them easily.

Night all. LOVES


10 Jan

Remember that marble game from the 70’s called Aggravation? It was called that because half the time you wanted to chuck those marbles at someone’s head. Well today I’m looking for some marbles.

I had my Resident Advisory Committee meeting tonight and my patience is slim to none. I used it all being nice and polite to the people I work with. There’s nothing wrong with them. It’s mostly the system. It’s difficult to listen to all the programs that are getting changed or discontinued because of lack of funding and there’s nothing I can do about it at this particular time.

Being asked my opinion about how to tell other residents about these changes is frustrating because the biggest question is “Will it change my rent?” or “Will I have to move?” And they can’t exactly answer them right now. What’s a good way to tell someone that we can’t tell you?

And then I get to come home and try to get my child to bed because it’s over an hour past his bedtime and he doesn’t want to go to school tomorrow because he’s got a therapist appointment and it will mean missing his favorite class. Besides just needing to be at school, his bus trainer is meeting him at school to work on his transit plan. (She helps him learn to ride the bus successfully by himself.)

  • I’m grateful that the day is over because my patience meter is almost empty for the day. I’m grateful I was able to offer my opinions tonight even if they might not change the world. Maybe they’ll help a little bit of it. I’m grateful tomorrow is Wednesday. Halfway to Saturday.

Night all. LOVES

Where are manners?

2 Dec

When did manners and respect for others quit being a thing? I know that I have taught all my boys that they walk on the outside of the sidewalk. To open doors for others. Get up on the bus if someone needs a seat more than they do. And to speak respectfully to others.

I was walking down the block today with my middle child and these 2 guys were coming from the other way. We moved into a single file so they could get by, but they just decided to keep walking side by side forcing us into the street. I’m like really!?

This isn’t the first time I’ve seen rude and unmannerly behavior. Although most of it is on the bus and MAX. There are times the bus driver actually has to get up and tell people to move from the front of the bus so wheelchair and disabled passengers can get on. I’ve seen women who are obviously pregnant or carrying small children forced to stand and try to hang on while some kid just sits there not caring that she’s right there. And if she says something about sitting down, she usually gets a snotty attitude if not worse.

And the behavior of children towards their parents and vice versa. Just wow! The things people say and do to the ones they’re supposed to love most. It just floors me.

  • I’m so grateful that I learned respectful behavior and manners from my parents. And that I’m able to pass it on to my children. I’m grateful that my child didn’t get into an altercation when his mother was forced off the sidewalk. I’m grateful to have pizza and movie night with my favorite 16 year old and 24 year old.

Night all. LOVES


15 Jun

Telephones started out as gadgets that only a few had that were only used in an emergency. Now they are in every hand and are being used almost constantly. In fact I’m using one right now to write this.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time though. Sliding your finger over a little red square on a screen just doesn’t have the same finality of slamming a plastic handset down on a metal hanger. Especially when the person on the other end is being extraordinarily annoying. Or when was the last time anyone has heard a busy signal? Do they even exist anymore?

Now I’ll admit that I find all the new technology fascinating. Caller ID is awesome. No more guessing who is calling you before you have to answer. Makes it so much easier to dodge that ex you just don’t want to talk to anymore. Or telling one more bill collector that you’ll pay them next month when you know you won’t. If you could afford to pay them, they would be paid already.

And I love Voicemail! You can have all those dodged calls leave messages that you don’t need to listen to anyway. But if on the off chance you might want to know what the other person wants, you can know.

But then there are those callers that just drive me up the wall. Telemarketers and robocalls anyone? They are usually the ones who call incessantly from unknown numbers and don’t leave messages. I’ll admit it. If I don’t recognize the number, I’m not answering it. But if you leave me a message, I’ll generally call you back. So quit calling me 20 times an hour and just leave a message already! Especially when I’m trying to nap.

  • I’m grateful to have my fancy little gadget telephone that keeps me connected to anything I need or want. I’m grateful technology is so amazing. I’m grateful I know where the off button is.

Night all. LOVES