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Failing at acceptance?

25 Jan

This is a rant, pure and simple! My son went to his father’s for the weekend last Friday. Here it is Wednesday, AND HE STILL ISN’T HOME! And now I can’t reach them by phone. I’m annoyed and so angry. And there doesn’t seem to be an easy way to solve the problem.

I can’t call the police because the county I’m in won’t do anything without a court order of custodial interference. I’m working on THAT  tomorrow morning. And the county where he is won’t do anything unless I show up there with the custody order in hand.

And that’s where my other problem comes in. I’m broke! I paid all of this month’s bills and part of last month’s bills this month because of Christmas. Yes, I know I shouldn’t have done it, but hindsight is 20/20. And I don’t have a car anyway. Trying to find someone up to a day long trip to the middle of nowhere in the middle of the state that they would have to do out of the kindness of their heart with a definite possibility of drama, anger, and what-have-you at the other end just seems impossible.

I feel so helpless right now. And I feel like I should have known better. You know when you pray for patience, you will usually have something happen that really tests your patience? Well I have been praying for acceptance. And now I have some big time practicing of acceptance going on right here. I know I am still praying for help at the moment though. And to remember to breathe!

  • I’m grateful to all the people who have let me rant today. And offered suggestions. I’m that u can go to the courthouse early in the morning to work in solving this. I’m grateful that during last weeks purge, I found all of my latest custody and court papers. So I could find them easily.

Night all. LOVES



10 Jan

Remember that marble game from the 70’s called Aggravation? It was called that because half the time you wanted to chuck those marbles at someone’s head. Well today I’m looking for some marbles.

I had my Resident Advisory Committee meeting tonight and my patience is slim to none. I used it all being nice and polite to the people I work with. There’s nothing wrong with them. It’s mostly the system. It’s difficult to listen to all the programs that are getting changed or discontinued because of lack of funding and there’s nothing I can do about it at this particular time.

Being asked my opinion about how to tell other residents about these changes is frustrating because the biggest question is “Will it change my rent?” or “Will I have to move?” And they can’t exactly answer them right now. What’s a good way to tell someone that we can’t tell you?

And then I get to come home and try to get my child to bed because it’s over an hour past his bedtime and he doesn’t want to go to school tomorrow because he’s got a therapist appointment and it will mean missing his favorite class. Besides just needing to be at school, his bus trainer is meeting him at school to work on his transit plan. (She helps him learn to ride the bus successfully by himself.)

  • I’m grateful that the day is over because my patience meter is almost empty for the day. I’m grateful I was able to offer my opinions tonight even if they might not change the world. Maybe they’ll help a little bit of it. I’m grateful tomorrow is Wednesday. Halfway to Saturday.

Night all. LOVES

Where are manners?

2 Dec

When did manners and respect for others quit being a thing? I know that I have taught all my boys that they walk on the outside of the sidewalk. To open doors for others. Get up on the bus if someone needs a seat more than they do. And to speak respectfully to others.

I was walking down the block today with my middle child and these 2 guys were coming from the other way. We moved into a single file so they could get by, but they just decided to keep walking side by side forcing us into the street. I’m like really!?

This isn’t the first time I’ve seen rude and unmannerly behavior. Although most of it is on the bus and MAX. There are times the bus driver actually has to get up and tell people to move from the front of the bus so wheelchair and disabled passengers can get on. I’ve seen women who are obviously pregnant or carrying small children forced to stand and try to hang on while some kid just sits there not caring that she’s right there. And if she says something about sitting down, she usually gets a snotty attitude if not worse.

And the behavior of children towards their parents and vice versa. Just wow! The things people say and do to the ones they’re supposed to love most. It just floors me.

  • I’m so grateful that I learned respectful behavior and manners from my parents. And that I’m able to pass it on to my children. I’m grateful that my child didn’t get into an altercation when his mother was forced off the sidewalk. I’m grateful to have pizza and movie night with my favorite 16 year old and 24 year old.

Night all. LOVES


15 Jun

Telephones started out as gadgets that only a few had that were only used in an emergency. Now they are in every hand and are being used almost constantly. In fact I’m using one right now to write this.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time though. Sliding your finger over a little red square on a screen just doesn’t have the same finality of slamming a plastic handset down on a metal hanger. Especially when the person on the other end is being extraordinarily annoying. Or when was the last time anyone has heard a busy signal? Do they even exist anymore?

Now I’ll admit that I find all the new technology fascinating. Caller ID is awesome. No more guessing who is calling you before you have to answer. Makes it so much easier to dodge that ex you just don’t want to talk to anymore. Or telling one more bill collector that you’ll pay them next month when you know you won’t. If you could afford to pay them, they would be paid already.

And I love Voicemail! You can have all those dodged calls leave messages that you don’t need to listen to anyway. But if on the off chance you might want to know what the other person wants, you can know.

But then there are those callers that just drive me up the wall. Telemarketers and robocalls anyone? They are usually the ones who call incessantly from unknown numbers and don’t leave messages. I’ll admit it. If I don’t recognize the number, I’m not answering it. But if you leave me a message, I’ll generally call you back. So quit calling me 20 times an hour and just leave a message already! Especially when I’m trying to nap.

  • I’m grateful to have my fancy little gadget telephone that keeps me connected to anything I need or want. I’m grateful technology is so amazing. I’m grateful I know where the off button is.

Night all. LOVES

Shopping sucks!

6 Jun

I hate shopping! Any shopping, especially for clothes. But a close second is grocery shopping.

The first week of the month is always my least favorite time. I have to pay bills and buy groceries. I think the grocery trip is my least favorite. Deciding how healthy I need to be while also being as frugal as I can be always gives me a headache. So I buy the lean hamburger or the tasteless chicken burger? Do I buy the fresh broccoli or the frozen? Do I get chunky or creamy peanut butter this month? And always stay under budget.

I use food stamps for part if my grocery budget and that adds another layer to my shopping trip. You get those people that look at you because you’re buying the more expensive chicken sausage instead of the pork byproduct sausage. I’m buying it because it’s better for me not because it’s more expensive. My one indulgence is sparkly water. I don’t drink soda anymore unless that is all that is available. I’ll pick regular water first. I can’t really drink juice anymore either because it spikes my blood sugar. But I really like the sparkly water. It’s my soda. So why do people feel the need to say something about buying it?

Why does anyone think that because I get food stamps they can tell me what I should or shouldn’t buy? If my grocery budget is actually less than yours, it shouldn’t matter what I’m buying.

  • Today I’m grateful to have groceries in my cupboards. I’m grateful I didn’t go off on the lady behind me mumbling about what I’m buying. I’m grateful my salad for dinner was amazing!

Night all. LOVES


3 Apr

I’m agitated today by just about anything and everything. It doesn’t really matter what it is, it just rubs me wrong. I don’t like feeling this way.

Everything just seems to be going bad today. I paid the phone bill yesterday so I wouldn’t have to worry about it today. Woke up to the phone or working. Had to go to the corporate store because the phone support just wanted me to pay my bill. After I paid the bill, they would be able to help me with my problem. It took the girl at the corporate store 2 phone calls to figure out what the issue was. She got the phones turned on. But I was looking at my phone a bit later and I needed to add $5. So I tried to add just $5. Oh no, it took a whole bill again!

Then every time I tried to watch the second day of conference, my phone kept dying. There was something wrong with the charging cord. It took almost an hour and a half to find the right charger and plug combination to successfully charge my phone.

It’s only the second so I don’t have any foodies yet. And because of the phone bill thing, I’m trying to not spend very much cash. So it was another bare cupboard day. I don’t mind much, but my youngest doesn’t like Whatchagot stew much. So he whines all day. Yes, I know. If he’s hungry  he’ll eat. But he doesn’t do it quietly!

And then there’s the usual time for bedtime stuff we go through every day. Only add in the fact that it’s been Spring Break at dad’s house and he hasn’t been to bed before 10:30 all week. So he’s not tired now.

I know I’m the one whining now. So I guess that means it’s time to go to bed and start over tomorrow.

  • I’m grateful to remember to take deep breaths when my day is falling apart. I’m grateful I have an inhaler when all that fresh air makes it hard to breathe. I know, go figure. More air, less breathing. I’m grateful to be able to listen to at least part of conference today. But I’ll have time this week to try again.

Night all. LOVES

Sleep study adventure

30 Mar

I thought a sleep study was where someone studied how you slept to help determine how you can sleep better. Well my experience is there is no way they can figure out how I sleep because I didn’t do much sleeping!

I got to the hotel at 8 pm but because I don’t usually go to sleep until later, I got to read until 9:30. Yes, I WAS in a hotel room with cable and HBO and I didn’t even turn the TV on! At 9:30, my technician started to wire me up. I lost count at 20. Plus the oxygen monitor and the things up my nose to make sure I was breathing. The most uncomfortable situation I’ve ever been in! And I got caught by my husband’s family getting it on while sleeping on his mother’s front room floor! That was pretty uncomfortable. Last night with all those wires was way worse!

So I finally got in bed around 10:30. It took a really long time to set up all those wires! I had to sleep on the wrong side of the bed because that’s where the other end of those wires hooked to. I KNOW you have a right side and a wrong side to your bed.

I’m supposed to try to sleep in my back. I do not sleep on my back. It’s hard to breathe and I always feel like I’m practicing for my coffin. I do get to turn my playlist on my phone on. My playlist for sleeping is about 20 songs long that on any normal night, I never hear the last few songs because I’m asleep before then. Not last night! I just laid there. Not sleeping! Just thinking. Trying not to knock anything off because he would have to come in and wake me up to put it back on.

After the last song finished, I finally just rolled over and tried to get SOME sleep. But nope, not gonna happen. Because THEN, I needed to pee! And to go to the bathroom required unhooking all those wires from the wall and carrying the ones dangling off me like a leash! Because they can’t get wet. I would have to come back on a different night and do this crap again! So I sit there as long as possible hoping the urge will just go away! But it just wasn’t my night. Another 20 minutes unhooking and rehooking up all those wires. And I’m going to try again to get some sleep. It’s about 1 am! I’m tired! I just want to go to sleep but it seems to be a night for insomnia to visit. And I can’t get up and do something to take my mind off of it.

I think I finally fell asleep around 2:30 or so. I know the playlist went all the way through AGAIN! My last thought was “COOL! I might get 4 hours sleep!”

NOPE! Someone knocked some wires loose in the middle of the night! So I get to wake up with some stranger leaning over me with a bright light attached to his forehead! Talk about triggering all your tweaker nightmares!

At 6 am, he wakes me up again and says, “We’re done here. Let’s get you unwired. We need to be out of the room by 7!” ARE YOU FLIPPING KIDDING ME! I don’t even get to sleep in a little after being up all night!

After he’s done and I get my shower to wash all the goop off of me, I’m finally ready to leave. I’m going home to take a nap!

  • I’m grateful I was able to do the sleep study. Hopefully it gives them enough data because I’m NOT doing another one! I’m grateful the hotel offers free breakfast. It makes up for NOT having access to the pool and sauna. I think both of those would help people sleep better. I know I’m always tired after swimming. I’m grateful my child was up before the sunshine to drive me home. I really wasn’t looking forward to a bus ride home in the rain after I miserable night’s sleep. I’m going back to bed now.

Night all. LOVES