Middle of the night choices

13 Nov

Just woke up from a bad dream. There were drugs and alcohol, fighting and conflict, crying and heartbreak. Definitely not much happiness. In the end, I had to choose between the most important things in the world to me. So what if I chose wrong. What if the choices I made condemned us all to a life of pain, misery and heartache?

In the end of my dream, just before I woke up, maybe its WHY I woke up, I refused to choose. I couldn’t do it. So I guess I DID choose in the end. And the thing is? I felt as peace with my decision. I knew that no matter what, things were going to be OK and that it would work out.

The funny thing is, in real life, I did choose between them. And I have lots of guilt about it. But in the end, I believed it was the best choice available. The lesser of two evils.

So what is the reasoning behind my dream? Maybe if I had to go back and do it over, would the outcome be any different? I don’t know. I DO know that I’ll never know how it COULD have been. I just get to know how it is. And I get to learn to be at peace with my decision. And to realize that everything will work out the way it was supposed to.

So will I go back to sleep with a peaceful heart and mind. No, not yet. I will probably think about it some more and hope I did the right thing. But I will practice giving it over to my higher power and praying for peace. And knowing that for now, I AM at peace with the knowledge that choosing to not use will only help in the long run. And that I will eventually get peace with the other decisions I’ve made in my past. Just need to remember to breathe. And to just keep swimming.

  • I AM grateful to have a nightmare because it offers me a chance to think and ponder. I AM grateful to have my writing so that I can organize my thoughts. I AM grateful to my Higher Power. I know that if I listen to that still small voice, I will hear the promptings to help choose the right in my future.

Night all. At least in a little while. LOVES


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