Hungry or not?

28 Mar

Have you ever been hungry for something, but you didn’t know what you wanted? So you eat some peanut butter toast. And while it was delicious, it wasn’t what you wanted. So you’re still hungry. So you have a bowl of stir-fry. Same deal. Still hungry. So you try something else. And your stomach is getting full, but it ain’t what you’re craving, so you’re still hungry.

My ex tells a story about one of his nephews visiting grandma overnight. The next morning, she fixed him some sausage and eggs. He ate it all but he was still hungry. So she makes him some pancakes. He’s still hungry. He has a couple bowls of cereal, but he’s still hungry. So she asks him what he wants. He wants oatmeal. She fixes him a bowl of oatmeal and he’s off to play. I guess I haven’t found my oatmeal yet.

I have an interesting relationship with food. Yes, it IS a relationship. We have our good days and our not so good days. Sometimes, I want to be all up in foods living arms all day long. Just hugging and cuddling all day. And then there are days where it’s “Go away and give me some peace!” The really sad part is it doesn’t matter if it’s a cuddly day, a leave me alone day, or something in between, I always HAVE to eat. Whether I want to or not. The medicine I’m taking requires me to eat when I take it. And if I don’t take it, serious consequences can happen. Like ending up in the hospital. I can’t get away from it.

Like today when I’m craving something, but I don’t know what it is. I can’t keep eating until I figure it out. That’s just as bad as not eating anything. And it isn’t like normal addictions where you just quit using whatever you are addicted to. Food isn’t like that. I’m done eating for the day. I’ll try to figure out what I’m craving tomorrow. Or the craving will hopefully go away. For now it’s time to brush my teeth and go up to bed.

  • I’m grateful to realize there is something I need even if I’m not sure what it is. I’m grateful to know that sooner or later, that need will be met. One way or another. I’m grateful for this outlet of my thoughts because it helps me figure stuff out when I write it down.

Night all. LOVES

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