Letting you in

14 Mar

This journey of recovery is a learning experience. Mostly learning about myself. I had another lesson today.

I know lots of people in the recovery community here in Portland. I even know a lot of important details about some of them. But I’m not really close to any of them. I learned from Facebook this morning that another young man lost his battle overnight. He was connected to many that I know. I’ve seen his picture all morning, but I don’t think I know him. I do know that I wouldn’t know him if I saw him face to face. And that is sad.

But it also makes me think. Just because I know lots of people, I don’t have many friends. I don’t let many in. And the ones who are in, took a really long time to get there. And I’m not sure if I let them in or if they were stubborn and worked their way in whether I wanted them there or not. But I’m very glad they are in now. And I don’t want them to go away.

So why do I not let people close? Is it that I’ve been hurt by so many in the past that if I don’t let you in, then you can’t hurt me very much? It’s something I really should work on. But it won’t change anything today.

So today, I’ll be sad that someone didn’t  make it through “just one more time”. And I’ll be there to listen as my community mourns. I’ll work on letting more people inside. They can’t all hurt me.

  • I’m grateful that I have a few stubborn friends who made me let them in. I’m grateful that I have so many people who I know. I’m grateful that I still have a chance to let others get close.



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