Sometimes government DOESN’T suck

23 Feb

As I’ve said before, I am an ex IV drug user. I am also a diabetic. About 7 years ago, those 2 things collided to become a major trial for me. I became insulin dependant.

Now most people will look at you and say, “What’s the big deal? So you have to take insulin everyday.” I’ll tell you right now. IT IS A BIG DEAL! It is a chore every day to pick up a syringe and NOT want to get high! It’s a big deal that I have to give myself multiple shots a day. It’s a big deal that parts if my body are covered in bruises because I take so much insulin at a time.

When I was getting high, I was getting pleasure from syringes. Yes, it also hurt, but I didn’t mind because it went away quick. I didn’t mind the bruises because they were covered and nobody saw them. They would become war stories with my running buddies.

Now, syringes just bring pain. The bruises are still covered. But now, they have become a secret because when people see them, they don’t want to know about the high, they just want to know how you can do that to yourself every flipping day. They aren’t badges of honor anymore. They’ve become badges of shame.

Just today, I was talking to my therapist about how triggered I get when I use my insulin. How it’s been getting really frequently lately. How every time I am preparing my medicine, I think about getting high one more time. Just to see if it might feel good this time. Because there at the end of my use, it wasn’t good. Or fun. Or pleasurable. I was getting high because I needed to.

I was talking about how I pay for one of my prescriptions out of my own pocket so that instead of dealing with syringes 4 times a day, it’s only twice. I can use an insulin pen for 2. That’s a really big deal. Nobody looks at you weird for carrying around a big funny looking pen. Not like the looks I get when I need to take my syringes and vials with me.

Well, today has become an awesome day! My pharmacy just called me to tell me that my insurance is no longer covering my insulin in a vial. I have to switch to pens for ALL of my insulins. I can quit getting triggered by how I take my medication anymore! I am so excited. I will be finding a place to take my unused items so they won’t be in MY house anymore! I get to have peace of mind again.

  • Today I’m grateful to my Higher Power for listening to my prayers and making it easier to get the medicine I need to live every day. I’m grateful to my insurance company for changing their formulary because pens have FINALLY become the cheaper option. I’m grateful to the insulin companies for all the research they have done to make insulin better and cheaper for customers to use.

Night all. LOVES

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