19 Feb

I went to a 12-step recovery speaker meeting tonight. Some of what was said, I really identified with. But some, I didn’t. But I know that you take what you can use and leave the rest. Just because someone puts their baggage out into the room, I DON’T have to carry it home.

This was the second meeting this week with the same core group of people. I know that if I didn’t have these people in my life, I wouldn’t be here. They have saved my sanity more than once. They call me on my stuff and tell me what I need to change. Even if I think they are wrong, I think about what they had to say. Most times, I usually change the behavior.

I don’t have a sponsor at the moment. I don’t recommend it. It’s hard to stay clean without one. It’s been a while since I’ve done any stepwork. I wouldn’t recommend that either. Sometimes I think that my circle of friends, my gratitude list, and the fact that it is too much trouble to use is what’s keeping me clean. I mean you need to find the dealer. Then you need to find the quiet place to do it. Then you get to hide from everyone, including yourself until you come down. Then there is more hiding from your family and friends. It’s just easier to be clean and sober.

I said that tonight to someone. Only I said, “It’s easier to be miserable and sober, than to be miserable and using.” He came back with, “why be miserable?” He’s right. I’ve been so miserable lately that I’ve become accustomed to it. I need to change it. One of the first things I’m going to do  is to really look and find a sponsor. I need to climb some steps.

  • Today, I’m grateful to get to a meeting. It was nice even if there were WAY too many people in the room for me to be comfortable. I’m grateful to spend a couple if days laughing with some good friends. I haven’t laughed out loud in a while. I’m grateful that I know I need to change something. And I have plans to change.

Night all. LOVES


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