Children first

16 Feb

When I got married eons ago, I was planning on never getting a divorce. Especially if I had children. As a child of divorced parents, I knew how hard it was. The arguing, the grilling what, where and who about the other parent. The looks and whispers from family and friends.

Well, my dreams didn’t come true. My husband and I separated and eventually divorced. But we had kids together. I consciously went out of my way to never talk down about my ex to anyone. And most definitely around our children.

When I got with my youngest’s father, I continued to stick to my promise to myself about talking bad to and about my ex. When we eventually split up, I still tried to not talk bad about the other parent in front if my children. My children are a part of both parents. How could I make my children feel rotten about themselves because they felt their fathers were terrible. Besides, I figured when they grew up, they would have their own opinion about all their parents.

My youngest’s father and his family are sleeping on my front room floor this week. It’s not the first time either. The fathers both live out of town. Isn’t it easier to model compassion and working out our differences to our children than to always be fighting and arguing with each other around the kids?

My children know that when I got clean, I told them I would work hard to be the parent all of us could be proud of. I will always try to put their best interests first. And having my ex at his son’s big game was way more important than whatever difficulties we might have with each other. We set ground rules. If we have different views and opinions, we talk about them. There have been times we’ve walked around the corner so we didn’t have to fight in front of the kids.  We both figured we did that enough while we were together. (It wasn’t an easy relationship or separation. We had knock down drag out fights with lots of bruises on both sides.) it’s been easier to get along since we have gotten clean.

  • I’m grateful for the relationships I’ve created with my children’s other parents. I’m grateful to watch my child play basketball in front of his school. I’m grateful I decided my kids were worth the extra effort I need to put into modeling positive relationships.

Night all. LOVES

 

 

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