Jumping through hoops

6 Jan

This is a day that I’ve been celebrating since January 6th, 2012. That’s the day my DHS/CPS case was closed. That means that on that day, a judge decided I had done enough to get custody of my child and she closed my case!

One of the results of my using was that my kids were placed into protective custody in the foster care system. My youngest spent the most time in care. I’m not proud of that. But I AM proud of how it’s all worked out.

Short history lesson. In 2004, I left an abusive relationship with my youngest’s father. Because I had willingly stayed for a while, my children were placed in state custody. I stayed as long as I did because I  was afraid to leave, I didn’t know how to leave, I didn’t think I deserved to leave, and I was too battered and beaten to leave.

After 4 years of parenting classes, drug treatment, and counselling to get my case closed on June 6th, 2008. And I decided to celebrate with some old friends. That wasn’t a very smart thing to do because by February of 2009, my case had been reopened for drug abuse.

I’m sure there will be many who get angry when they hear that. I was one of THOSE parents. I have lots of guilt,  shame and regrets about it.

But I decided that my children and my life were worth fighting for. I went back to treatment, inpatient thus time. I took more parenting classes, relationship classes,  12-step meetings. Basically everything the judge told me to do, I did. It was frustrating! I would do something and the judge would want more. I would be doing something and be angry that someone else didn’t have to do that. Yes, I faltered. And I didn’t always do everything exactly the way I should have. And I complained and moaned and groaned because I was being picked on by everyone who had a piece of my life in their hands.

But the best advice I ever got, besides to stay clean, was to just jump through the hoops that had been set before me. Don’t worry about someone else’s hoops. And quit letting others interfere with mine. And it will all work out and I’ll reach that finish line. And I did. Just took my a really long while.

  • Today I’m grateful for 5 years of being out of the DHS/CPS system. I’m grateful I get to be a mother for my children that hopefully they can be proud of. I’m grateful that I’m the best parent I can be at this time. And I’m proud of me. I AM worth it.

Night all. LOVES

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