30 Dec

Sometimes life can be challenging. You have good things happen and sometimes bad things happen. And we as humans get the privilege of being on these rollercoasters of life. I believe how you handle the wait time in the lines to the entrances is the important thing.

I don’t wait well. I don’t always like the ups and downs either but I deal with them better than the waiting in the middle. Waiting was usually when I got bored and then into trouble.

I have been waiting for a hearing with a Social Security judge for almost 2 years. I’m at the entrance of the ride waiting to turn in my tickets and I don’t want to mess this up.

While I’ve been waiting, I’ve been working on my issues. I have a few. I have issues with my mental health and my physical health. I’m diabetic and I’m an addict.

Now here’s the thing with waiting that my sick mind is thinking. IF, I quit taking my medicine, the diabetes won’t be controlled and I’ll definitely get Social Security. I have 2 months to make myself sick enough to definitely win the case, but hopefully NOT sick enough to die. Or keep going the way I am and maybe not win. I’m having the same discussion about the mental health medicines.

Now here’s the thing. Even taking everything like I’m supposed to every single day, I still have some really bad days. It’s the nature of the illnesses. Especially invisible illnesses. You can’t see when I’m having a bad day. So it’s not going to be a definite no from the judge. Even my doctors say I can’t work a 40 hour a week job. I’m not whining about the hearing. But I don’t want to self-sabotage myself either. And I really don’t want to be too sick to live. So I write about it. Get my thoughts down on paper, so to speak, so I can go back over them and see what needs to be changed and what should be next on the to do list. And hope.

  • Today I’m grateful for hope because as long as you have hope, there is a chance to continue. Today I’m grateful for faith because faith can move mountains. Today I’m grateful for wisdom to figure out what is faith and hope and I hope my faith is pointed where it should be.

Night all.  LOVES


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