Rollercoasters

30 Dec

Sometimes life can be challenging. You have good things happen and sometimes bad things happen. And we as humans get the privilege of being on these rollercoasters of life. I believe how you handle the wait time in the lines to the entrances is the important thing.

I don’t wait well. I don’t always like the ups and downs either but I deal with them better than the waiting in the middle. Waiting was usually when I got bored and then into trouble.

I have been waiting for a hearing with a Social Security judge for almost 2 years. I’m at the entrance of the ride waiting to turn in my tickets and I don’t want to mess this up.

While I’ve been waiting, I’ve been working on my issues. I have a few. I have issues with my mental health and my physical health. I’m diabetic and I’m an addict.

Now here’s the thing with waiting that my sick mind is thinking. IF, I quit taking my medicine, the diabetes won’t be controlled and I’ll definitely get Social Security. I have 2 months to make myself sick enough to definitely win the case, but hopefully NOT sick enough to die. Or keep going the way I am and maybe not win. I’m having the same discussion about the mental health medicines.

Now here’s the thing. Even taking everything like I’m supposed to every single day, I still have some really bad days. It’s the nature of the illnesses. Especially invisible illnesses. You can’t see when I’m having a bad day. So it’s not going to be a definite no from the judge. Even my doctors say I can’t work a 40 hour a week job. I’m not whining about the hearing. But I don’t want to self-sabotage myself either. And I really don’t want to be too sick to live. So I write about it. Get my thoughts down on paper, so to speak, so I can go back over them and see what needs to be changed and what should be next on the to do list. And hope.

  • Today I’m grateful for hope because as long as you have hope, there is a chance to continue. Today I’m grateful for faith because faith can move mountains. Today I’m grateful for wisdom to figure out what is faith and hope and I hope my faith is pointed where it should be.

Night all.  LOVES

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