It gets different

22 Dec

I usually have a really hard day on the 21st of December. I spend lots of time remembering the past and my part in it. 25 years ago today, my baby girl went to heaven.

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I believe we come to earth to get a body and to be tested so that we can return to Heavenly Father and be with him forever. We get a body so that we can be like Him,and we are tested so we can be prepared to live with Him in Celestial glory forever.

I believe that Amanda came to earth and that she was almost perfect. That’s why she didn’t need to be here very long and went home early. Her test was over and her job was done. I know that one day I WILL be with her again.

Amanda was born on September 6, 1991. She had red hair and blue-green eyes. She liked carrots and she was allergic to milk. She was only here for 3 1/2 months but she impacted my life in so many ways.

I spent a lot of time after she left in and out of my addiction because most of the time it was easier to be high instead of feeling my feelings. Some feelings just seemed too big to handle without the drugs and alcohol to numb them.

I have been living this day clean and sober for 7 1/2 years now. People keep telling me that it will get better and I’ll be able to handle those yucky feelings better.

It doesn’t get better, but it does get different. It still hurts, but I’m able to remember without crying all the time. I’m able to talk about it without falling apart most of the time. I’m able to get through the day being less sad and angry every waking moment. I still have a way to go. Believe me, ask anyone who’s been around me this past week.

I want to thank my friend Amber for coming over and listening today. It was very much appreciated. I did take a nap this afternoon and I’ll probably go to bed early. There’s much to be said for this being the shortest day of the year.

  • Today I’m grateful to friends and family for helping me. I’m grateful to learn to live on this date. I’m grateful to have this venue to vent.

Night all. LOVES

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One Response to “It gets different”

  1. Success Inspirers' World December 22, 2016 at 6:43 am #

    I am grateful to you for sharing such lovely thoughts with me and others.

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