1 Dec

Tonight, Carson and I went on an adventure to get some Christmas presents. It wasn’t very far away and didn’t take very long. But it was fun. I wonder sometimes if I’m weird because I LIKE spending time with my kids.

I think that because he is my last one and it’s just the two of us, Carson and I have become a pair. Now I know that is probably not always a good thing and that I need to let him grow up, but I’m finding I’m actually needing to MAKE him grow up. One of our biggest arguments is me wanting him to act like the 15-year-old I think he can be and him NOT. How do I differentiate between what is his disability and what is just wanting to act down?

That’s been my biggest challenge since I began this journey to be the mom I knew I could be. As I got clean, and learned about his disability and how they were connected has been a big hurdle for me. I get to accept the fact that my son is the way he is because I used while I was pregnant. And not parent out of guilt because of it. It’s walking that fine line between doing what’s best for one or the other, or both of us, or doing what’s easiest. Sometimes I get lucky and it’s all the same.

  • Today, I’m grateful he still likes to hang out with me. I’m grateful for adventures in life. I’m grateful for cheese burritos before bed because my sugar was a touch low.

Night all. LOVES


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