Life can suck

20 Nov

Bright idea yesterday starting a blog. Except it’s the second day and I’m not sure where to go from here. I realized this morning that there are some days I just don’t want to. Don’t want to eat, sleep, talk to people, or deal with all those things that life requires every day. But then I remember where I was 7 years ago, and I do them anyway. Well, most of them.

Someone texted me today that she’s tired of being where she’s at(in drug treatment). And I think back to when I entered treatment and how dejected, unloved, unworthy and unwanted I felt. But I did it anyway. Because I was so tired. Tired of trying to get high, not get high, see my kids, nit let my kids see me because I was high. How to pay the bills because all my money went to drugs. Where was I going to be next week because I didn’t pay the rent. My children were in foster care and couldn’t or wouldn’t see me because of the decisions I had made.

So as I sat here texting her back with all the things I had done to get clean, I realized that some days life sucks. And on the days that life sucks most, you do it anyway. Because to NOT do life isn’t really an option anymore. I’ve made that choice a while ago and I’m not willing to go back and change it. So today I’m just going to breathe. Change the tune(gotta love Pandora). And get through to the morning. Because tomorrow is ALWAYS another day.

  • My gratitude for today. I’m grateful to still be here after all the crap I’ve been through. I’m grateful to be willing to do this thing called life. And I’m grateful to have something warm on the stove for dinner.

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